I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same...

Annoucement.

2010-04-05T15:23:00.000-07:00

Sad to say.

But I will be moving blogs. It is kind of weird because I feel like so much of my life has been documented on this blog, so I will keep it...but I know that I need to move on.

It's kind of like a break-up. A blog-up if you will.

laurenrebekah.tumblr.com will be my new home :)

Peace and LOTS of blogspot love.

--LF

apathy&the cross

2010-04-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

Have we been desensitized to the story of the cross?

Last night, some people were watching The Passion of the Christ and I said:

"That movie is boring..."

Really? The depiction of Jesus being bruised and broken for MY sins bores me?

I think there is also a temptation to the cross into this really
emotional, dramatic thing that can be compared to like...a sad movie.
It's sometime we can cry over once a year on Good Friday
and then never think about it again
until we are gathered on the next Good Friday.

But the story of the cross is for all times. All days. Times of joy. Times of sadness. It is the only thing on this earth that can truly bring us freedom for our bondage to sin.

The cross is there through it all, and how apathetic have we been towards its story and that story's implication?

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. -Isa 53:5

You have my attention

2010-03-26T01:14:00.000-07:00

Tonight I got to go to a Copeland show at The Glass House.

A) of all...I got to go with a friend that I haven't gotten to hang out with in a long time, so it was super good.

B) I stinking love the Glass House. Every show I have seen there is great. Pomona sucks, but that place is awesome.

C) Even though it was a bittersweet night (it is their farewell tour)...I was stoked to be able to see them before they broke up! They have been a band that has really been the soundtrack in a sense to my high school/college years, and I feel like I have literally grown up listening to them. Aaron is an amazing lyricist and somehow all of his lyrics seem to catch me right when I need them.

This was a WONDERFUL show, and the energy was unbeatable. I kept shouting "One more song!" and I meant it...but I am glad that Copeland ended on a high note (and literally a high note...Aaron sung this RIDICULOUS note on You Have My Attention) and I am so stoked to have been a part of it!

Setlist for the night:
I'll Take Of You
Careful Now
I'm A Sucker For A Kind Word
The Grey Man
Chin Up
Control Freak
Coffee
On The Safest Ledge
The Day I Lost My Voice (The Suitcase Song)
Pin Your Wings
No One Really Wins
Paula Sparks
California

Encore:
Brightest (just Aaron)
You Have My Attention

Leer-ics.

2010-03-21T23:26:00.000-07:00

You'll say life ain't no love song...
                And I'll spend my whole life trying to prove you wrong.

Jesus IOU.

2010-03-21T22:54:00.001-07:00

Tonight was inspiring and convicting, which I think is the best kind of night.

Chris Ward, who is a pastor at Yorba Linda Friends was a guest speaker, and he taught about the sense of entitlement that we have in this society...especially when it comes to our relationship with God.

It's true, for the majority of my life...I have viewed God with this kind of "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" type of mentality...but there is something SO wrong with that.

Actually, there are multiple things so wrong with that. Here are some thoughts about the subject:

1) Who do I think I am that I could ever bargain with God? If I think about it...nothing that I could do is something that ONLY I can do. Sure, he gave me talents and passions to use for his glory...but in what delusion do I live to think that by doing these things...I am actually doing God a favor of some sort?

2) Also, I think back to the multiple times that I have done things purely to get something out of it. The anticipation and expectations are always greater than the outcome, and that should really teach me a lesson to not do things with a hidden (or sometimes not so hidden motive)

3) I loved when Chris talked about how we expect that when we do something for God, he should do something for us. And so quickly, when we find out that is not the case, we blame Him for not carrying out His end of the bargain. But that is where we are SO blatantly wrong.

It become clear that...

There is no reward for anything we do for the Kingdom. Now when I say no reward, I probably should clarify that I don't really mean NO reward. It's just not the instant gratification, IOU form Jesus reward that we want. It is something far greater than that...it IS Jesus. Following Him should be reason for Joy even if that is the only thing that ever comes from it.

This is hard for me to swallow. I want to know that because I serve for literally an entire day during the week with no pay at the church that I will get the job that I want. I want to be 100% assured that if I go into the ministry and follow the path I feel God calling me into...I will meet my husband, make lots of money and have a healthy family like I want.

But there is no guarantee. And there shouldn't have to be. Our reward waits for us in Heaven...and that should be enough.

As we responded as a community of worshipers after this message...the words were so hard for me to sing and really mean.

"It's all about you...All that I adore is in You....Have your way in me..."

Not statements that I can truly say I live out. But I think that God meets us where we are at in regards to this sense of entitlement. He knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and also can dramatically influence those desires without us even knowing. He longs to be so close and real to us...so that we will really understand that he is the best reward we could ever receive.

So this is my prayer regarding this realization...
Lord, help me to know you and want you with or without blessings upon my life. Challenge me to evaluate my motives behind everything I do, and to leave what is not strictly or the purpose of glorifying YOU behind. Amen!

--LF

How sweet it is to be loved by YOU!

2010-03-09T11:39:00.000-08:00

"...sometimes grace works like water-wings when you are sinking." --Anne Lammot

Me and Jesus have a love, hate relationship.

What I mean is this.

He ALWAYS loves me and I hate that.

When I say I "hate" that...I moreso mean that I don't understand it. Not even a little bit.

I mess up. He is there. When I throw a fit and vow to control my own life...he doesn't let me.

I could swear up, down, left and right that I know what I need...that I know where I am supposed to be, but today (like many other days) God has shown me that I need to stop.

I need to stop planning. Or really...plotting.

I need to stop trying to protect my life here on earth. I try to make it comfortable, but I sacrifice integrity and honesty while doing that. It is horrible.

I need to stop worrying. Worrying about things that are not in my control is straight from the Devil, I truly believe that.

I praise the Lord for his grace. For the things he gives me when I don't deserve them (which is all the time). I offer every bit of gratitude I have for the fact that he LOVES me and holds me when I face trials and struggles...and that he shows me the way out, no matter how much I try to do things on my own.

I love your grace Lord. It blows my mind!

--LF

S.N.L.

2010-03-07T23:21:00.000-08:00

1. You are not a true fan of any band (aka Vampire Weekend) if you only like them after seeing them on SNL.

2. Seth Meyers quite possibly be the most attractive man on this earth. His sense of humor...mmm.

3. Boys kissing other boys is never cute. Or funny. It is mainly gross...all the time.

4. RIP Andy Samberg being in more then one sketch a night...I miss you. You are probably the second most attractive man on earth, behind Seth. But don't worry...he is getting older, your time shall come.

5. Kristen Caroll Wiig. You are truly an inspiration. Everything you do is funny. Make herstory and become the head writer of this show soon. Thanks.

I love that this show is making a comeback. I had missed good comedy there for awhile :)

--LF

[CRAZY] lOVE.

2010-03-06T17:26:00.000-08:00

"My conclusion? Jesus' call to commitment is clear: He wants all or nothing. The though of a person calling himself a " Christian" without being a devout follower of Christ is absurd."

Thoughts/questions on Worship...

2010-02-18T13:41:00.000-08:00

SO this is something that has been on my mind for the past week, and really for a long time if I think about it...

I am struggling with the concept of how critical I am allowed to be with regards to worship and worship leaders.

As someone who has led/been involved with worship teams for literally almost 15 years...it is sometimes (more honestly, a lot of times) hard for met to appreciate worship that I don't think is "good" enough by my standards. Now I realize that all worship is pleasing to God's ears, because it is the sound of his creation praising him...so I guess I am more concerned with the issue of people leading others in corporate worship.

Personally, I have always been taught that excellence is not the most important thing, but that is really beneficial for both the team as well as the congregation. I have seen this prove itself as truth over and over again..and have been blessed to be a part of churches that really develop their worship leaders/worship teams to be the most excellent that they can be.

Now, of course I am not saying that I have always been perfect, or teams I have led have always been perfect...but what I think I am struggling with is the fact that I can get so easily distracted by how good or bad the worship leader sounds, what notes they are singing right or wrong...what the musicians are doing well or poorly...etc. And once I am distracted by that, I usually begin evaluating them in ways that I am confused about whether or not are sinful or not.

Does anyone else feel that way? I just get so frustrated with myself sometimes because I know that worship is NOT about me and my preferences, but I also have strong opinions that excellence is something that should be sought after when leading others in worship...

--LF

It's time...

2010-02-15T23:08:00.000-08:00

to watch someone else get everything I want.

Once again.

Ever wonder

2010-02-11T00:20:00.000-08:00

What girls talk about behind closed doors?

"I talked to him today in class. Also he was wearing this adorable blue shirt that matched his eyes and I was in heaven :)"

Pretty much...hah.

Great Pandora day.

2010-02-08T15:02:00.000-08:00

Today is looking like an excellent Pandora day.

Two songs I discovered that I have since fallen in love with...

"Make You Feel My Love" Adele cover of the Bob Dylan song...

[I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue. I'd go crawling down the avenue. There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do. To make you feel my love]

and

"Where I Stood" by Missy Higgins.

[And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you...All I know is that I should. 'Cos she will love you more than I could, She who dares to stand where I stood]

Seriously. I will be replaying these all day long!

--LF

Oh say can you see...

2010-02-07T22:12:00.000-08:00

Any singer knows that "The National Anthem" is one of those songs we hate singing because there is so much pressure to not forget the words, to hit all the notes, to start on the right not so we can hit the right notes...etc.

My favorite part of the Superbowl each year is listening to whoever sings The National Anthem in the beginning, and this year...my girl Carrie Underwood did not disappoint. This is not the actual version she did today, but it is from three years ago (when I think her voice was in better shape anyway...)

Watch Carrie!

Next, we have my other girl (and Dopplehanger!!) Jordin Sparks from last years' Superbowl. She is superb. Even though there is NO WAY that this can be a live recording...it still blows my mind.

Watch Jordin!

Up next, Jennifer Hudson. No explanation needed. She brought the house down and definitely was singing it live. Incredible!

Watch Jennifer!

Faith Hill does a nice job, her high notes are out of this world...like it is effortless for her. I also like her ending alot!

Watch Faith!

BUT I think there is not one person who can do it better the Whitney...pre-coke addiction. Let's end with her.

Watch the Queen!

This was a silly post. Not going to lie, mainly for my enjoyment...but who knows. Some of you might love this as much as I do :)

--LF

The worst kind

2010-02-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

The worst kind of compliments are the ones brought about by rejection.

I mean...
"You are SO talented and gifted" doesn't really mean a whole lot coming from someone who didn't think you were "talented" "gifted" enough to be a part of their team...right?

Just sayin'.

On a less slit my wrists type note...

Can we talk about how this magazine is my new favorite?

Seriously. I am not a newly-wed and I still read this from cover to cover and got SO many good ideas about pretty much everything in life. I think it should be required for every girl to read this magazine (along with Real Simple of course!!) before...any sort of relationship which will involve a) cooking b) sex c) having conversations with men in general.

Bold claim I know, but I am sticking to it...[Nestie] for life!

--LF

Word Vomit.

2010-01-26T00:00:00.000-08:00

It feels good not to fabricate.

Not stuck, just content.

Learning it's OK to be right here, right now--

The future is important, but it hasn't come yet.

People who should be in my life, stay--

Although trying to shake the ones that don't...is a challenge.

Living vicariously is not healthy, but it is less painful than real life.

Joy is the fullest when it is for someone elses accomplishments or happy endings.

And I got joy.

In the midst.

2010-01-11T12:42:00.001-08:00

Of a REALLY boring class I had today, the professor said something that stuck out to me.

"In order to become excellent in oyur practice, you should always READ what you want to WRITE."

Duh, right?

Not so much. I have grappled with this concept of wanting to become some sort of journalist throught my years here and it is just now hitting me that I need to actually LEARN how to do that.

So, in the spirit of new beginnings and such...I hereby pledge to read some sort of insightful blog/article/short story/crerative piece/etc. per day.

Cheers. I feel gthat once I blog things, I end up doing them more often than not.

--LF

Realize.

2010-01-03T16:19:00.000-08:00

It takes a fair amount of wrongs to realize what would make a right.
Can I be done with wrongs...just this once?

But more importantly, the soundtrack for such epiphanies:

Love Like A Sunset-Phoenix.
Alligator-Tegan & Sara
Great DJ- The Ting-Tings
Brackett, WI- Bon Iver
Lying In The Hands of God-Dave Matthews Band

--LF

San Diego.

2010-01-03T09:57:00.000-08:00

Is my new favorite city. I want to come here as often as I can.

Spent some time in the new year with Brit and her family, they are hilarious.

Mexican Train and Apples to Apples with her sister, mom and aunt...so funny.

Nerts (hate it), Phase 10 (DUMBEST/LONGEST game ever invented) and What's Yours Like (a new favorite) with her friends...hilarious. Now I see where Brit gets her humor from :)

Hiking Cowles Mountain with Brit, Mackenzie and her mom...so fun. Definitely not what I would have chosen to do at first thought (duh) but so fun...the view was amazing!!!

This is the view from the Coronado Bridge! I love it.

Me and Brit at the Hotel Del. If anyone ever wants to like...you know...propose to me here, I would be OK with that hahah

Seriously.

After only about 100 tries...we both got up!

Mootime. Never again.

We don't need men. We go on awkward dates together.

Just in case anyone ever needs to see world's worst and creepiest picture of me. Just in case.

So it was fun. And I love Balboa Park, so if anyone wants to take me there again...we could probably be best friends. But it is back to CM today. Boo.

Peace and Blessings!
--LF

Seriously.

2009-12-28T11:06:00.001-08:00

This moment blows me away everytime I watch it.

Yes, my favorite show is Glee.

Stop judging me.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYc1uJU46_E&feature=PlayList&p=C3B821FF6FE3FD06&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=5

Hosea.

2009-12-27T23:03:00.000-08:00

Hosea is such an intense book.

I read it last night and was absolutely floored by the description of the pure devastation that God pours out on the nation of Israel for turning their back on Him. I mean, I think that we sugar coat it a lot and blanket stuff with terminology like "wrath" which I don't think even begins to describe it! (Even though that is the word I am going to use in the rest of this entry).

Here are some things that struck me in this book.

Firstly, I always thought Israel deserved God's 'wrath' because of how stupid they were. Like when they are wandering in the desert complaining to God about how they would rather be in slavery again in Egypt...I am like REALLY!? Really Israel, you would rather be slaves than free? Under any circumstances freedom sounds better to me. But then I took the time to really think about the Israelites. Their entire identity had been defined by being slaves. Working, all day every day. They didn't have time to do much else, so when they were given the chance to be in the desert and to do nothing essentially...they lost a piece of their identity, even if it was being someone else's property (by the way, thank you Steve Carter for talking about this at RH...don't think I am this smart all by myself..ha) and to add to that they were wandering in a foreign land with only the voice of God guiding them...which they were not used to at all.

So I went through my sympathy for Israel phase and really wrestled with why God would be so cruel to people, I mean...he created them and he knew before time began how they were going to treat Him. Much like Hosea was warned that his wife would be unfaithful (man, I love the parallel that is provided by this story...such a great way to be able to grasp it). So if he knew all this, why was He so hurt and surprised? Yeah they betrayed Him, but He created them to be human and to make mistakes...to sin. How can he justify unleashing his wrath when it is His own creation?

Sympathy over. For a while at least.

God gave Israel so many chances. In the book of Hosea alone, there is like 5 listed...and I know that isn't even all of them. It talks about how they literally just turned away from Him. Ran away from His goodness and did everything they possibly could to avoid Him. Multiple times. No shame, just blatant disregard. They were the people He had chosen, and delivered from captivity and they built idols to other gods in place of Him, and committed so many ridiculous sins in straying away from Him.

But have you read what He does? (Sympathy, round two).

He talks about drying up women in Ephraim so they cannot have children, and if they do...killing them. Like slaying them. Brutal. He says he will give them wombs that constantly miscarry.

Samaria, destroyed. Rotted, uprooted and wiped out.

God talks about becoming like a lion, lurking upon them and devouring them. He is serious.

This is not a seemingly fair punishment...this is unbelievable.

I actually stopped reading at about chapter 10 or 11 because I didn't want to be more angry with God than I already was.

But then, through words and pictures from God I realized I was not angry with God for punishing them...but rather terrified, because I see so much of myself in Israel.

Chance after chance, thrown away. I run to things that are clearly not what God has for me, flat out sinful things because I just don't want Jesus to have authority in my life. I am Israel. I am the unfaithful wife. I am adulteress and unholy. I deserve the punishment. In chapter 5 it says, "their deeds do not permit them to return to their God." (verse 4) I am screwed.

So now I am scared. I start imagining all the things that God is going to do to me because of my sins. I am going to be punished like Israel. And yeah, I think that they had enough chances and stuff...but some of things are so extreme that I just have no positive thoughts about them.

Then comes chapter 14. Always read the ending. It usually is important.

"I will heal their waywardness, and love them freely, for my anger has turned away from them." (14:4)

Whew. For me and for Israel. As a human, I realized that I won't ever grasp the depths of the loves Jesus has for me. When I lie, cheat, steal, blaspheme, hurt or gossip, he loves me the same.

No less.

Israel messed up. A LOT. We have already been over that. They deserved destruction, I deserve destruction. But instead I get love. I get the touch of a Father who is standing right beside me even when I break His heart and run away from Him. A lover who never leaves my side. A Hosea to my Gomer. A God to my Israel-d (yep, a word. Because I said so...) heart.

Repentance leads to redemption. Redemption is a transition from being a slave to being free. Bought for a price that is much to high for anyone besides the Lord to pay for.

But still not done with all this punishment stuff. I mean, once again...did they really deserve all that?

"Who is wise? He will realize these things. Who is discerning? He will understand them. The ways of the Lord are right; the righteous walk in them, but the rebellious stumble in them." (14:9)

Similarly to the fact that I will never be able to grasp the love God has for me, I will also never be able to grasp true justice from the Lord. He is the sovereign ruler over all the earth...and he says that the wise and discerning will see these things as right. We have a passionate and powerful God who steers his children in the direction of purity. If this means wiping them out, slaying their children...his intentions are always to refocus them on Him, which if I claim I am a follower of Him, I should agree is the ultimate goal. He does all things for our good, even if they are not what we would normally think.

Someone once told me that the worst wrath of God is when he abandons you and does nothing. I think that punishing Israel was a reality-check for them...showing them that He was still there whether they acknowledged Him or not. He was still there and He was still holy. He was waiting for them to FINALLY get the hint and turn to Him, the only place they would find the true promised land.

I have not read the rest of the Old Testament in a long time, so I am curious to know how long it takes them to get it...but I know that they do eventually, right?

This was a very long rant, but I think it helped me process this book of Hosea. Which I recommend reading. All the way through. Chapter 1....well pretty much the whole book will make you mad, but hopefully open your eyes to places where you are like Israel, and also to the love that God pours out over us, even though we are so unworthy.

Cheers, if you made it all the way through.

--LF

Seek Week 2009.

2009-12-25T20:27:00.001-08:00

Seek Week 2009

I was inspired by a girl who goes to my church to do a kind of pause and reflect week before 2010 kicks off.

As I was thinking of what things could really free up my time to let the Lord speak to me...two things came to mind, Facebook. Haha.

Here are the rules I laid out for myself:

1. No Facebook all week.
2. Spend at least one hour reading the Bible each day
3. Spend at least 30 minutes praying each day
4. Spend at least 30 minutes in solitude each day--just listening for God
5. Exercise each day (walks, gym, runs with mom, etc.)
6. Document discoveries at the end of each day in my journal
7. BE STILL

Psalm 37:7a "Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him..." is my theme verse.

I know this may seem like it isn't that big of a deal, but I really hope it will set a pattern in my life to not be so easily distracted. I feel a hunger for the Word and I think this will be a good way to really set up space and time to spend with it.

So, I will definitely update if anything cool is happening, but I just had to put it in writing so it feels real :)

--LF

Christmas 2009.

2009-12-25T14:59:00.001-08:00

Christmas always means going to church and spending time with family.

But this year, some pretty dynamic things happened that I was not really expecting, but could not be more blessed by. (pictures coming soon!)

[1] Christmas Eve at Rock Harbor Church.

Obviously I always love holidays at church because they always do such an amazing job of portraying the reason for the season through the arts. BUT this year I got to be a part of it...which was such a wonderful experience. I ended up doing all 10 services (the weekend of the 19/20 and then Christmas Eve) which was super tiring, BUT I got to see something happen in our church from start to finish which was an exciting thing.

The main thing I took away from this experience is that singing that much is not a good idea....no, just kidding. Although that was a takeaway (haha) I got see/hear about the message of hope resonating in the hearts of hundreds of people who either accepted Jesus for the first time, or came back to Him to be restored. There was a prayer room filled with thousands of names that people had written down that they wanted to come to Christ this Christmas. I often forget how beautiful that is, and even forget to think twice about it when I hear about it. But this Christmas I felt a joy for them that I have been longing for. I think that through their healing and restoration, I too was healed and restored in a way that only my Father could do. It was such a powerful thing to witness and to be a part of.

[2] Family Christmas.

Normally, the adults in my family (which we have now renamed the "first generation" because we almost all are adults now hah) just choose names and do a normal gift exchange. But this year they were challenged to do more of a heartfelt gift with a presentation to the person they chose. It was incredibly powerful to hear the words of all my aunts, uncles and cousins as they talked about the impact the others had on the. I learned that my Uncle Chris was the person that brought most of his brothers and sisters to Christ. I learned that my Uncle Bernard was the "father-figure" to my cousin Daryl who never really had a father to look-up to. I learned that my Aunt Barbara respects my mom for the involvement she has in all her kids lives. My Uncle Bernard washed my Dad's feet as a symbol of serving him, much like my Dad serves people every day he works in the ministry. These are just a few moments that stuck out, but through the tears (there were a lot) and the laughter (also, a lot) I could see that many more moments were to come.

Besides great happiness that I have a family that is close, and that doesn't hate each other...I realized how truly blessed I am to be in a family that loves the Lord and seeks Him in everything they do. I had never really thought about it, but I get to be with all my family (on my dad and mom's side...incredible) in Heaven! Praise the Lord. I cannot even begin to describe the joy that fills my heart knowing that, because I know it rare.

SO needless to say, this Christmas was bomb. God revealed so much to me in a time that I needed it, but didn't know I needed it. I got to experience an unexplainable joy and hope...which I see is the true reason for the season.

2010. Bring it on. I dare you.

--LF

He's just not that into you.

2009-12-21T18:01:00.001-08:00

I know.

So why does there have to be a film dedicated to pointing that out?

Soundtrack for the week.

2009-12-20T23:52:00.000-08:00

Let's take an indie turn. Enough of this Christmas music, please.

This week, I am going to be delighting in...

Passion Pit. Manners.

Tegan & Sara. Sainthood.

Switchfoot. Hello Hurricane.

"In this needle and haystack life
I found miracles there in your eyes
It's no accident we're here tonight
We are once in a lifetime alive
We are once in a lifetime..."

Weird/Normal.

2009-12-20T17:29:00.000-08:00

So here are some embarrassing/normal things I thought of today:

1. In my opinion, tt is NEVER fun to be the third wheel. You know, you have those friends that are like "Oh, it's OK...we are totally cool, it's not like you'll be the third wheel with us!!!"

But you are. Britney is not the only one who can count to three (1-2-3, if you needed
proof.) and I know when two or more (see: three) are gathered, the Lord is not so
much there as the awkward monster/turtle/whatever animal you so choose.

**and this is in no way to bash the couples who I hang out with. I love you and your relationships. I just don't associate fun and being the only person there without someone to grab onto in times of need, make-googly eyes at, etc.

2. Me and my friends were thinking last night if the most annoying thing in the world were to take place 24-7 what that would be, and here is what we came up with:

1. Car alarms ALWAYS going on (and the super tone
changing annoying ones at that).
2. People constantly talking in their baby/puppy voices
3. You are always the third wheel (this was mine, haha)

I am sure there was more, but I cannot remember them at the moment. I had to make a list in this blog...it was screaming for it.

3. Today I got a random call from my parents inviting me to a lunch with some friends I haven't seen in a very long time. This was excellent and I was so happy and surprised to see them. I love reconnecting with old friends--in fact, most of the goals I made for myself this break were to hang out with old friends. I have been doing well for the most part...so great.

4. Today was a reminder that no matter how weird my "love-life" (if you can call it that, ha) is...there is always someone with a weirder more unfortunate one. Note to self: EHarmony as a LAST result!!!

5. I was brought to tears today hearing stories of people coming to Christ at our Christmas services at church. Although it may seem overemotional...I just cannot help but weep our of joy for the people who have been brought out of darkness into the light through the message of Christmas...and I think in all honesty we often (I included) soften the sheer power that the moment a person accepts the Lord into their hearts. I pray God awakens me and sets my heart in tunes with these moments so I can pray people towards them, and rejoice with them during this season!

Those were some weird/normal things on my mind. Something for everyone. Now off to service 4 and 5 (out of 10) at church...wish me luck. Also, sanity...

--LF

All of a sudden I miss everyone.

2009-12-15T23:09:00.000-08:00

You know that phase in your life when you want to go back to High School and be with all the people who made you laugh uncontrollably?

I'm in it.

But I am also super content with the people in my life right now, I just wish I could find the happy medium and have time for everyone.

--LF

End.

2009-12-15T10:49:00.000-08:00

After talking with some friends about this semester, I have come to the conclusion it has been the most exciting by far. Here are a few highlights that made it the best by far:

1) ASB. These people brighten up my day and make me proud to serve alongside them.

2) The students. These kids literally challenge the crap out of me, but I love them and would rather be doing nothing else than working with them :) I also have been truly blessed by this year's group of leaders...after all these years, finally a team that I think is going to really do some incredible things.

3) Kayla's gettin' hitched :) Such a great weekend, and such a great time with the 12!

4) Floor sons & Nieces! Much love to the boys of Huntington 5th floor (love your mom!) and the girls of Catalina 4 North!

5) Reunited, and it feels so good: Hanging out with the ladies this semester has been challenging since we are all super busy, but there has absolutely been some amazing times that I am so grateful for.

Wisdom.

2009-12-09T00:42:00.000-08:00

It is a truth universally acknowledged that when one part of your life starts going okay, another falls spectacularly to pieces.

-Bridget Jones Diary

Amen is all I have to say to that.

And it is hard to be really excited about the good, no great things in life when there is still the possiblity of things that could ruin...alot.

This will be interesting.

--LF

Thankful.

2009-11-26T20:37:00.000-08:00

COLOSSIANS 2:6-7
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.

I am thankful for:

God's faithful provision, especially this semester.

The opportunity to do what I love on a daily basis.

Friends who take the time to get to know me, and love me for who I am.

A family that makes me laugh, and is there for me at all times.

Students who drive me crazy yet teach me more about the LORD than I could ever teach them.

I am clearly a MAC.

2009-11-19T11:16:00.000-08:00

A few things:
It is NEVER OK for my professor to talk about Boobs in class.

EVER.

On another note.
I watched the movie 'Spread' last night starring Ashton Kutcher and Anne Heche. It is NOT appropriate, but it does have an interesting and realistic storyline about life in LA. Always fascinating to see how people portray this city and the people in it.

[[And let's face it. Ashton is always good to look at. I wish I was 44 and named Demi]]

BUT the real purpose of this blog was to talk about how I strongly dislike the new Microsoft store. They aren't even tactful in how they are copying the Mac store...it's like a shameless similarity. How annoying. PCs are lame. No clone-store will make that untrue...

Slap a Microsoft sign on and throw in some lesser quality computers and call it the 'Microsoft Store'.

Silly.

--LF

This week in Music...EPIC

2009-11-17T13:10:00.000-08:00

Hello All.

My week is one-hundred percent better thanks to these folks:

John Clayton Mayer. Battle Studies. Tracks to check out-
Heartbreak Warfare and Assassin. Brilliant.

Norah Jones. The Fall. Tracks to check out-
Chasing Pirates and any of the live bonus performances on the deluxe version!

One Republic. Waking Up. Tracks to check out-
Literally all of them are incredible. It's one of those albums you just need to listen to from top to bottom. You won't be wasting your time.

Weeks like these, are my favorite. Enjoy the tunes, kids.

-LF

1 down, 11 to go.

2009-11-15T16:41:00.000-08:00

One birthday. One engagement. One epic weekend.

This weekend was definitely one to remember! 11 of my closest friends and I traveled to El Cajon in San Diego to celebrate my friend Brittney's 21st birthday at her house! We ate a TON, hung out in Old Town & downtown, ate some more, and got to hang out with Brit's incredible family (we may or may not have broken her bed and crashed into her driveway wall as well...haha). Note: 12 girls ANYWHERE is reason to take caution!

THEN, we all got to see our friend Kayla say 'yes' to her wonderful boyfriend Andrew when he popped the question on Coronado island. It was a perfect day, and it was so special to share that with her!

Hope you enjoy the pictures--it was nice to have the 'rebs' out to play...I have missed capturing moments like these :)

-LF

Brit opening her presents on the way!!

Such good food. SO MUCH good food.

Wrestlemania.

Wrestlemania (part deux)

Extraordinary Desserts. SO GOOD.

Andrew popping the question!

She said yes! Her ring is gold, diamond and Tanzanite...perfect for Kayla!

TRUE LOVE WAITS.

So happy together :)

Right Now.

2009-11-06T23:34:00.000-08:00

It's hard to believe that someone better than you is waiting for me out there...

But I have to.

You Hold Me Now

2009-09-16T00:35:00.001-07:00

This song brought me to tears, and as much as I want to explain it or something... I think I will just post it. Praise the LORD for moments where music can connect me to Him in ways I cannot even comprehend.

You Hold Me Now-Hillsong

On that day when I see
All that You have for me
When I see You face to face
There surrounded by Your grace

All my fear is swept away
In the light of your embrace
When Your love is all I need
And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold
In Your presence healed and whole
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

In this life I will stand
Through my joy and my pain
Knowing there's a greater day
There's a hope that never fails

When Your name is lifted high
And forever praises rise
For the glory of Your Name
I'm believing for the day

When the wars and violence cease
All creation lives in peace
Let the songs of heaven rise to you alone

For eternity
All my heart will give
All the glory to Your name

No weeping, no hurt or pain
No suffering You hold me now
You hold me now
No darkness no sick or lame
No hiding You hold me now,
You hold me now

LF

Sara says it best.

2009-09-11T23:47:00.000-07:00

It's clear this conversation ain't' doing a thing
Cause these boys only listen to me when i sing
And i don't feel like singing tonight
All the same songs

Here in these deep city lights
Girl could get lost tonight
I'm finding every reason to be gone
Nothing here to hold on to...

BOO.

I don't listen.

2009-09-11T23:25:00.000-07:00

Ever.

Ever.

I probably should from now on.

Bloggers Block.

2009-08-29T16:45:00.000-07:00

I want to blog about the amazing time I had at Hume Lake with my students.

I want to blog about the incredible things that are happening at Vanguard.

I want to blog about the crazy way those things all tie-into what is going on at Rock Harbor and in my life in general.

But honestly...I am too lazy.
Maybe once I get in the swing of school, I will feel the urge again.

And on a less spiritual note, I want to blog about more shallow things like how I hate the new promotion times on Pandora, not having a mean plan, how weird it is to not know 400 people on campus and how much I am going to LOVE my new job...but still, lazy is the watchword.

LF

They stole my idea!

2009-07-31T09:49:00.000-07:00

Because of the mass amount of my friends getting married in the near future (and also MAINLY because of the fact I am not getting married in any near...universe) I always like to keep my secret wedding ideas to myself.

BUT someone stole my best one! I always thought it would be SO fun to dance down the aisle...and obviously I know that people have done it before...but now there this whole public Youtube thing showing a wedding where they do it.

It is an amazing song (I admit) and the bridesmaids dresses are ridiculously cute...so I forgive them for stealing my wonderful idea.

And also, I feel kind of better because now none of my friends who are getting married soon will use it because it will look like they are copying them...but when (and if) I get married in like 10 years...nobody will remember or care about it anymore! Yay!

Please watch:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-94JhLEiN0

You won't be disappointed : )

LF

Divas.

2009-07-30T23:32:00.000-07:00

Once when I was asked what my dream was, I said I wanted to perform on Vh1 Divas Live.

You know when the whole "Angel" "Princess" fad was popular? Yeah, I rocked the "Diva" apparel...such a fashion faux looking back. I know...

I have since forgotten that dream, until now. Listening to the Celine Dion station on Pandora has refueled my dream.

Not that this was a realistic dream, but hearing Leann, Whitney, Mariah and Celine...well. A girl can dream.

But cereal-sly. Has anyone heard the notes these ladies hit? It's ridonkulous. But so inspiring.

LF
When I am famous, don't pretend you like me. I will not believe you.

I am not dead.

2009-07-28T21:31:00.000-07:00

I just have nothing intelligent or worthwhile to blog about.

But I wanted to assure the masses, I am OK.

And since this is a pointless blog, I wanted it to at least look a bit more exciting than usual...

Summer Soundtrack. Jam Edition.

2009-07-12T13:40:00.000-07:00

These are the songs/artists I have been jamming to all summer.
If you trust me and listen, your ears will thank you.

1. Andrew Bird-Check out "Fake Palindromes" and "Fitz and Dizzyspells"

2. Emily Wells- Her whole "Symphonies: Dreams, Memories and Parties" is absolutely fantastic. I haven't stopped listening to her in like, a week. But if I had to pick a favorite, I would have to say its Symphony 6: Fair thee well & the Requiem Mix. Check it, yo.

3. Kate Nash. It is surprising to me how many people have not listened to her because she has been around for awhile...but you should listen to "Pumpkin Soup" or "Mouthwash" for a more upbeat feeling...and "Merry Happy" or "The Nicest Thing" to keep it mellow.

4. "Mr. Pitiful" off of Matt Costa's newest album (in like 2008) "Unfamiliar Faces" is a nice song. Ironically...

5. I really have enjoyed listening to Elbow (a British import) they have some nice summer jams...I like "One Day Like This" for a pump-up song. I listen to it in the morning while getting ready...puts me in the mood. The mood to dominate that is.

6. This might be a little lame to all the music snobs reading this, but I have been pleasantly surprised with some of the American Idol alums current hits: "Come Back to Me" by David Cook. "No Surprise" by Daughtry. And yes, even "Battlefield" by Jordin Sparks. These are nice driving in the car with no one to judge your taste in music songs...as are most American Idol songs (read: Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood...)

7. Is it bad that one of my most played songs on my iTunes is "On a Boat" by The Lonely Island? Because it is.

8. Of course I am listening to Pete Yorn...but when do I not? If your a newbie to his music listen to "Social Development Dance" and "Paradise Cove" for what I think is a pretty accurate taste.

9. I was a skeptic at first, but I really have grown to love this great artist names Peter Bradley Adams. Listen to his whole album "Leavetaking" during a study session, night drive, or any time you want to relax. He is incredible. He is my

10. And lastly, and this won't be a surpirse to many...but I would have to say that my favorite summer album would have to be "Far" by Regina Spektor. I am not even going to list my favorite track because I love them all and would be doing injustice to the whole album by only listing a few. So buy it. Love it.

Your welcome.

LF

No one laughs at God..

2009-07-04T13:27:00.000-07:00

in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war

No one's laughing at God when they're starving or freezing or so very poor

No one laughs at God when the doctor calls after some routine tests
No one's laughing at God when it's gotten real late and their kid's not back from that party yet

No one laughs at God when their airplane starts to uncontrollably shake
No one's laughing at God when they see the one they love hand in hand with someone else and they hope that they're mistaken
No one laughs at God when the cops knock on their door and they say "We've got some bad new, sir,"
No one's laughing at God when there's a famine, fire or flood

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke or
Or when the crazies say he hates us and they get so red in the head you think that they're about to choke

God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious
Ha ha
Ha ha

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war
No one's laughing at God when they've lost all they got and they don't know what for

No one laughs at God on the day they realize that the last sight they'll ever see is a pair of hateful eyes
No one's laughing at God when they're saying their goodbyes

But God can be funny
At a cocktail party while listening to a good God-themed joke or
Or when the crazies say he hates us and they get so red in the head you think that they're about to choke

God can be funny
When told he'll give you money if you just pray the right way
And when presented like a genie
Who does magic like Houdini
Or grants wishes like Jiminy Cricket and Santa Claus

God can be so hilarious

No one laughs at God in a hospital
No one laughs at God in a war

No one's laughing at God in a hospital
No one's laughing at God in a war

No one's laughing at God when they're starving or freezing or so very poor

No one's laughing at God
No one's laughing at God
No one's laughing at God
We're all laughing with God

Oh, youth.

2009-07-03T11:02:00.000-07:00

Some hilarious quotes (These are only a few. I am sure once I talk to everyone again, I will be editing this post)

In response to a statement made in favor of universal health care:
"Um, I don't like Universal Health care because it makes it more easier to go into the doctor's and be like 'oh I have a stomach ache' and they will just give you a shot of morphine and feed your addictions."

--True? I don't think so.
Nope, not even close.

"Women have had the exact same rights as men since the 1920's so there is more important things to talk about here, duh."

--Get a real job sweetheart. Then talk to me.
Oh, and be careful for the glass ceiling. It hurts.

And these are the 'educated ones'
LF

Summer Mission #1: Complete.

2009-07-03T10:50:00.000-07:00

[I cannot believe I wasn't going to go]

This past week, I got to go back to a camp that changed my life when I was in high school.
The camp is called Girls' State--which is a camp for high school seniors who are chosen from their high school to participate in the program. They learn about civil responsibility and government, and get simulation experience the entire week.

When I went as a student, it was confirmed that I do NOT want to go into politics because that is what I previously had wanted to do, but this wasn't a negative thing. I then knew that I wasn't meant for politics persay, but that is when I started developing a love for writing and journalism.

BUT I would say that this time, going back as a counselor had WAY more of an impact on my life. I was able to mentor girls who are searching for the same things I was back then. I got to laugh my you know what off the entire day, as I made 'fun' of things that the girls would say and do...all in good fun. Let's just hope I was not that...interesting at that age.

But this week was a chance to look into my future. I was surrounded by a staff an incredible women, all who went to Harvard, MIT, Princeton, Yale, NYU, Stanford...and all who are living out their dreams. It was such an inspiration to me because I know that this next year and a half I am in school, I can achieve the things that I have always wanted to...but felt was out of my reach.

I think in all honesty I got stuck in the Vanguard 'frame of mind' and was beginning to sell myself short. I stopped looking at grad school, I gave up on my dream of moving to the East Coast, I spent time on things that aren't really THAT important to me. But I was brought back to my passions, and saw women who ran with their dreams and never looked back. Sure they aren't all married at the age of 25 (Oh my GOD! How will they live) and they all don't live comfortable and familiar lifestyles...but they are doing what they love, and that is what I want my life to be like.

So thanks GS. You transformed me, once again. You always do...I gotta keep comin' back to you.

LF

Summer Update #1.

2009-06-25T13:58:00.000-07:00

So I find that even though I don't think I am doing anything interesting this summer, people continually are asking what it is that I fill my days doing because they never see me.

I realize that to me, what I do during the days feels like nothing, but I also have a ridiculous perspective of what nothing is...so here is an update.

I started interning at RH this summer with Student Ministries and have been having the time of my life! I get to be a part of programming, planning, and executing all things Student Ministries specifically related to Middle School. It has been so fun because I get to work with some amazing people, I get to plan some cool events during the summer (Hume Lake, holler!), be more involved on Sunday mornings and I still get to hang out with my girls (they are in 8th grade now...crazy). It is like a dream job! Minus the not being paid part...but hey. It's worth it.

I still nanny for the three precious boys in Newport, but my last day with them is July 30th. We play all day, making videos, going on ice-cream runs, making crafts and playing outside...and I am going to miss them dearly : (

I also still am at the GAP (I am telling you--get your discounts now people, who knows how long I will be there?!?) and usually work few nights a week. It is such a chill job, and I have really grown to love the people that I work with...even though we only see each other at work.

I still am singing on the worship team at RH...it has been a incredible year, and I have gotten to be a part of some cool evenings where I have seen God move in really great ways. I think that this has been part of my year that has meant the most to me because in the midst of being in a position of leadership, God has humbled my heart and shown me the beauty of stepping back and watching others worship him in their own way. It's been really awesome.

Unfortunately, I will not be traveling overseas this summer : ( But I do have the SWEET opportunity to go to Mexico with a team from RockHarbor as part of the GO Campaign. We are doing a house build, similar to what I have done a number of times with my family...but this time I am going on my own, and it is going to be great! I am excited to be able to serve and get to know more people at church, because I find that I tend to stick to the same people, even though everytime I meet someone new I wish I would have known them longer.

Right before leaving for Mexico, I get to be a part of VBS at RH...SO stoked! We are doing it a different way this year, and I am looking forward to leading a house-site and seeing how God uses VBS around the communities of Orange County.

Lastly, I am leaving tomorrow for a fun-filled week at Claremont McKenna college for Girls State. This is an American Legion sponsored camp, where girls (1 from every high school around the state) come and learn about state government. It is a very big deal, and I was privleged to be able to go in high school...so it's fun to be able to go back and to be a counselor. It was kind of a hard decision because there is a lot that I need to be doing back home, but I think that the week is going to be great, and it is so fun to be in a position to give back to a camp and organization that did a lot for me in high school and beyond!

I think that is all...wow. Maybe I am busy. But there you go.

HAGS (Have a Great Summer. World's most overused, and cliche statement. Perfect for this entry...ha)
LF

Iris.

2009-06-21T10:13:00.000-07:00

I appreciate this song so much more after seeing the movie City of Angels.

Which I think everyone should see. Because A) it proves that Nicholas Cage at ONE time in his life was a dreamboat. And B) because it is a depressing in a good way movie.

Also, just so you know, I am doing a Meg Ryan marathon...so the next few blog posts may or may not be about her movies. Fair warning.

Happy Father's Day to all the daddy's out there!

LF

Beautiful.

2009-06-09T22:23:00.000-07:00

One of the most heartbreaking songs I have heard in a long time--been diggin' it for awhile and I thought I would share.

PS. This is no way reflects my feelings at the moment, but I really just loved the lyrics.

Empty-Ray LaMontagne

She lifts her skirt up to her knees
walks through the garden rows
with her bare feet laughing

I never learned to count my blessings
I choose instead to dwell
in my disasters

I walk on down the hill
through grass grown tall
and brown and still
it's hard somehow
to let go of my pain

On past the busted back
of that old and rusted Cadillac
that sinks into this field
collecting rain

Will I always feel this way
so empty
and estranged?

and of these cut throat busted sunsets
these cold and damp white mornings
I have grown weary

If through my cracked and dusty
dime store lips
I spoke these words out loud
would no one hear me?

Lay your blouse across the chair
let fall the flowers
from your hair
and kiss me
with that country mouth
so plain

outside the rain is tapping
on the leaves
to me it sounds like
they're applauding us
the quiet love
we've made

Will it always feel this way
so empty
so estranged?

well I looked my demons in the eyes
lay bare my chest
said do your best
to destroy me

I've been to hell and back
so many times
I must admit
you kinda bore me

there's a lot of things
that can kill a man
there's a lot of ways
to die
yes, and some already did
and walk beside me

there's a lot of things
I don't understand
so many people lie
it's the hurt I hide that fuels
the fire inside me

Will I always feel this way
so empty

Attempt.

2009-06-07T23:48:00.000-07:00

So, I am going to attempt to blog about something...which I have been wrestling with blogging about for a long time. Normally I can articulate what things I want to say, and type them and be done.

But for some reason, this topic doesn't come easy to me in the writing department--which I have come to notice probably means it doesn't come easy to me at all.

Tonight at church we talked about the Prodigal Son, and even though I have heard that parable probably a million times (Exaggeration. I am aware). Chad asked us to look at it through new eyes, and the first time I heard it (because I sat through it one and a half times) I got the same thing out of it as I normally do--young son and older son both have issues...blah blah blah nothing new.

But tonight I was convicted with the fact that I know this love, I know this freedom that comes with having a father who would love and accept me no matter what I do. I have experienced his endless mercy and forgiveness. I have been transformed by his Holy Spirit and what have I done with that? I have kept it to myself. I literally cannot remember the last time I have started a conversation with someone about Jesus for the simple purpose of sharing my joy with them.

A friend told me that in her church conference type thing, she saw a youtube video of a guy bashing Christians in his life. We usually would dismiss that kind of thing--right? But what if what he had to say was true?

"I mean, honestly, if this whole Jesus thing is as great as you claim it is...if he truly is the only way to any kind of Heaven...then how much do you 'Christians' have to hate me to not tell me about it? Not to offer me the same freedom that you all talk about? Does this mean you want me to go to Hell?

How little do I matter to you that you would ignore me on the street, walk past me in the line at the store, avoid eye contact with me at all costs because it is 'awkward' for you? No..I don't think that 'Christianity' is for me..."

It blew my mind. He was right, and as much as I want to sugar-coat this statement and be like...well I cannot possibly tell EVERYONE about Jesus all the time...he is absolutely right. Am I not so compelled by this message of freedom that I want to share it with everyone I encounter? If I base my entire life and value system on something...isn't it important enough to me to share it with the people around me?

This is something that I have been grappling with for a few weeks as I have been studying James, listening to sermons on 1 Corinthians at church and just listening for the Holy Spirit in my life. I don't believe I am alone. I think we are all called to look t our lives and ask what we are doing to further the kingdom. I am not trying to say that serving in church or doing good things is worse than being the upfront--in your face with the gospel-- type of person...but I think for myself, it is time for a season of that in my life. I need to get out of my comfort zone and being to profess this life of freedom I have found. Because like that guy said. how much hate do I have in my heart for people if I do not take every chance I have to help them find Christ?

Eh, something to ponder.

LF

Spontaneous.

2009-06-06T08:54:00.000-07:00

I have been on this really intense mellow, indie, Elliot Smith0esuq type music kick. It has been perfect for the summer!

I am very jealous of my friend Kayla right now because as I am typing this she is playing with the kids that stole my heart last summer in Moshi, Tanzania. I looked at all the pictures I have around my room (there is a lot--it is kind of ridiculous) of the kids, the scenery and especially my little girl JoAnn...and I almost lost it. I miss it all so much, and as I am looking forward at things to come...going back to see them is number 1 on my list. I actually reasoned with myself that if I won the lottery (because if some rural rancher can do it...so can I right?) I would a) pay of my debt b) fly to Moshi, Tanzania instatnly, and c) buy a car with 4 hubcaps.

But enough dreaming.

I started interning at RockHarbor, and despite the awkward office banter about some silly boy who I may or may not think is cute...it is a dream. I cannot believe how much work goes into programming for students, but when I hang out with them, and see the things they are learning (hopefully) it makes it all worth it. I think this is one of the best things I have done, and it is only 3 days in : ) Even though I love the boys I nanny for, working with a bunch of people at a desk is a breath of fresh air in my life...yay.

Lastly in this update (which is random--I will admit) some trips I am excited for this summer...
1. Girls State @ Claremont McKenna College--I cannot believe I am going back. It will be weird to be a counselor at this camp, because it was so influential in my life as a high-schooler...so it will be amazing to give back and be with girls who are experience Government traning for the first time.

2. Mexico--I have not been there in a long time, and I am very excited to get out of my comfort zone with people that I don't really know. I have no alterior-motives of going on this trip than to serve, but there may also be some benefits in it for me...haha. So that will be great : )

3. Hume Lake with the students--They cannot wait, which is always a good sign! It will be a blast, and I cannot wait to get to hang with all my girls for a week straight!

Well, that's enough for now.
Although I feel like I should share the wealth right now...so listen to these artists. Enjoy!

-Whitley.
-Bon Iver.
-Elbow (from the UK...SO great)
-Fleet Foxes.
-Iron & Wine.

LF

.

The Phone Game.

2009-05-31T15:19:00.001-07:00

Last night at House of Yogurt (ten times better than Yogurtland...yeah. I said it) all of use girls (and Andrew...) played the Phone game.

Now to play this game, you take a cell phone (I have found the the older Verizon enV works well) and ask it questions, and then spin it around and whoever it lands on is the answer to that question.

For instance:
"Who will die first?"
"Who will be the richest?"
"Who will make the biggest impact on the world?"
(Yes, these are pretty shallow questions I know...)

"Who will have the most kids?"
"2nd most?" (we had to ask that because Marie wanted a shot...)
"3rd most?" (again, for Marie)
"Who will live in CA their whole lives?"
"Who will age the best? (translation: who will be a MILF/DILF when they grow up)
"Who will get married first? Last?"
And so on.

But the main reason I am writing this blog is to inform you of something that you can do at any time, and create instant entertainment guaranteed to last about an hour (depending on how creative you can get with questions...)

So play. Enjoy. Make some noise in dining establishments...it's all good.

LF

The 5.

2009-05-25T10:00:00.001-07:00

5 Things I like at the moment:

1) This song.
How Great- David Crowder.

I'm so bored of little gods
While standing on the edge of
something large
While standing here, so close to You
We could be consumed
What a glorious day

I give up, I lay down
Rest my face upon this ground
Lift my eyes to Your sky
Rid my heart of all I hide

So sweet this surrender

CHORUS:
How great Your love for us
How great our love for You
That grace could cover us
How great Your love

How marvelous, how brilliantly
Luminous, You shine on me
And who can fail to give You awe
To fear You, God, so sovereign and strong

What a glorious day
What a wonderful day, today
What a glorious day
What a wonderful day, today
Glorious day

2) This place.

3) Sunday nights.
Steve Carter. Church-potle (and our nameless gay friend who is always such a sweetheart). Being rocked. All of the above.

4) 80's nights.
Being obnoxious with the girls. Knowing that I have NO ONE to impress anymore. Dancing like a maniac because of the aforementioned truth. Spending time with people who make me laugh uncontrollably.

5) Discovering new, good music!
Sleep for Sleepers-The Clearing.

Civalias-You. Me. We. EP.

Future of Forestry-Twilight.

So there is the 5. I was going to follow this by 5 things that I don't like at the moment...but I decided to be positive.

LF

To the girls creatin choas in the Holy Land...

2009-05-20T08:24:00.000-07:00

James&Brit

I hope you both are having a wicked time and learning more than you could ever imagine.

Be safe, you are always in my prayers.

Summer Soundtrack.

2009-05-17T23:55:00.000-07:00

[Mellow Edition]

1. Love is for the Foolish-Sleep for Sleepers.
2. When You Thought You'd Never Stand Out-Copeland.
3. Daisy- Switchfoot.
4. Speak to Me Gently- Future of Forestry.
5. Several Ways to Die Trying- Dashboard Confessional.
6. Let Your Love Be Strong- Switchfoot.
7. The End- Jason Reeves.
8. Lucky- Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillat.
9. Happiness- The Fray.
10. I Can't Help Falling In Love- Ingrid Michelson.

LF

The worst emotion.

2009-05-12T23:58:00.000-07:00

Is heartbreak.

Because if you think about it, it is just like this numbing feeling that you really cannot physically do anything about. It just sits in your chest and festers until you explode. Or worse...implode. You can try to see past it, but for awhile...it is a very painful and I would argue inescapable reality.

I think if I had 1 wish...it would be that no one I ever knew would experience this emotion. Which is a pretty ridiculous wish if you think about it because that would mean there would be no death, no cheating, no lying, no growing apart, none of that bad stuff that causes this terrible feeling.

But then, I think back on the times when I personally have experienced this emotion, and I am brought to the realization that who I am today is greatly influenced by the times of heartbreak in my life. Although at the time it seemed unbearable, looking back I see how it made me stronger and more dependent on the Lord as opposed to myself...and I cannot help but be thankful for it.

So I guess that I really have a different wish. I wish that heartbreak would rarely find its way into my friends' hearts...but when it does, it would change them for the better. I wish that for every moment that is spent weeping, grieving, questioning, and wondering...there is a moment of laughing, hoping, realization, and understanding. I hope that the nights that are spent with eyes wide open are met with a picture of how God uses each and every situation we go through to mold us, and that He never lets us out of His sight...even when we cannot see His face.

I love you friend. When your heart breaks...my heart breaks. But know, that when this storm passes, I will be the first one to join you with a smile in the journey of bigger and better things...

Summertime.

2009-05-10T14:06:00.001-07:00

A lot of things have changed this year.
I always look back on the school year around this time--and here is what it came down too...

People have grown up.
People have...what is the opposite of grown up?

People have traveled across the world.
People have become secluded.

People have fallen in love.
People have had their heart torn apart.

People have reached out to me.
People have turned their backs on me.

People have been awaken.
People have fallen asleep.

People have laughed with me.
People have cried with me.

But the one thing I love about summer is I get a chance to just...be.

Last summer, I went to Tanzania and my life was changed. I think that trip served as a catalyst for my entire year, because I grew more this year than I have any other time in my life.

I guess this blog is written with hope of having another life-changing summer. It doesn't matter that I won't be traveling around the world or doing anything extravagant...because I think this summer is going to be a time of learning from friends.

I cannot wait for the awkward summer night moments, the pool parties and BBQs that turn into ridiculous sleepovers, the late-night food runs that are so unhealthy--but SO fun, the drives down PCH & (hopefully) to Yorbs, the after-church yogurt sessions where we run into high school buddies, the craziness of summer camps and such, but most importantly all the new things that I will experince this summer.

So here's to 3 months of whatever.
May it be blessed.

LF

(PS. I noticed a lot of the summer activities we do...involved food. HA)

The art of the elite.

2009-05-01T23:42:00.001-07:00

The elite are only the elite if you make them the elite.

They are only powerful if you give them the capacity to reign over you.

So don't.

However cliche it may be, it is better be yourself.

Seek out the people who love you for you.

Because believe me, being someone else is tiring.

And no fun.

Goodnight.

LF

One day...

2009-04-29T11:37:00.000-07:00

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

It would be great, I tell you.

Sorry for the cryptic-ness.
That's what blogs are for, yeah?

LF

Thankful.

2009-04-19T18:34:00.000-07:00

This week has been a doozy.

Something that I am always THANKFUL for is the fact that every time I get to that point where I feel like I am going to lose it, when I feel so overwhelmed by things that are honestly out of my control...I get a sweet break/vacation/getaway. I cant have time to just be...to not have to worry or think or stress...Really, I think the Big Man upstairs has my back in that respect.

Mr. VU was Thursday night, which is a man pageant we have at Vanguard. 8 (I think) of my guy friends competed for the title, and basically just impressed my pants off.

That sounded bad...I don't mean OFF, but you know...

Anyways, it is always one of my favorite nights because I am laughing the whole time, and get to see hot boys do silly things. It is a good time for sure.

Friday was funny because in one of my classes during a presentation, the dreaded "embarrassing moment" happened to my friend Tom...you know, the thing when you accidentally type in the address to a porn site so that it is projected in front of the entire class...seriously, SO funny. It was one of those moments that bonded our class in an unspeakable way, and it kept me laughing the whole day. (Actually...I still am laughing). I just love awkward moments like that.

Then I headed off to Palm Springs for the ASB retreat. I won't go into that much detail because it was simply just a lot of laying out, pedicures, eating and screaming...but some things that I loved:

1-Playing Scatergories late at night. Probably not the most legit way to play...but so fun
(sidenote with this one: NEVER play with Ellie Kaiser. EVER)

2-Getting to tell people that inspire me that they do. Also, spending 6 hours talkig with people...but feeling like it was about 30 minutes. You know it's meaningful when it is like that/

3-Getting to see where people have been all year, and how they have out their own feelings aside for the good of the group. Such a testament to the sacrifice it has been.

4-Eating some freaking GOOD nachos. Cerealsy. So good.

5-Getting 100338r3q3r% more excited to be a legit (ha) part of this organization next year, and thinking about how amazing our time is going to be.

Those were just some things that I am THANKFUL for. God gave me some sweet times this weekend, and now on to finish the rest of the school year (3 WEEEEEKS!). We will see how that goes.

Lates.
LF

My Burden of a Lesser God.

2009-04-13T08:32:00.000-07:00

Whoa, I must be feeling bloggity again.

A) 100th post. This is crazy.

2) I love it when I read something one place, listen to something in another and then God turns my focus to His word and it completely makes sense because of the thing that I just read...
Vague. I know...let me explain.

I was reading Traveling Light last night by Max Lucado, and there was a chapter in it about having to walk with the burden of "a lesser god." He was saying that we try to fit God into this box or mold Him into something we can understand because that is how we need Him to be. Not only is this selfish because we should never try to compartmentalize the divine Savior of the world...but we also are not doing ourselves any favors.

We try to diminish God into something we can comprehend, but this leads us to doubt His true power. I don't think the problem for me is knowing how powerful God is. Diminishing Him doesn't necessiraly mean making Him smaller in my mind. Maybe a better word would be...I don't know. What is a better word? I have seen miracles. I have seen Him heal people. I have seen Him work in incredible ways that can only be attributed to miracles. I know how big God is. I think my probelm is that I don't think GOd can handle my issues. Not that he isn't powerful enough...but that he just wouldn't. I doubt that he is near to me in my deepest and most broken places, and I feel that I take God as this huge, powerful being...that would never have time to focus on Lauren Francis.

Because of this mindset, which by the way has been the way I think (and I think a lot of us think) has been my mindset almost my entire life...I try to deal with these things on my own. I become self-reliant and obsessed with my own well-being and I forget to let God work in me. I feel distant from my Father because I create the distance. I make God out to be this God that would heal the multidtudes from diseases, but would not heal the diseases in my heart. And this, is the problem.

[I promise this blog is almost over]
This morning, I was reading James 1 and I came across this verse:
⁵"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ⁶But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."

Now I am no Bible scholar, but when it says 'wisdom' I don't think that is the only thing that could be asked for. I think comfort could go in that space. I think peace could go in that space. Those are the things that I need alongside wisdom...and for so long I have been so hesitant to ask God for these things. Beyond asking, I have been teribble at actually believing that He would provde...and I get into the self-control everything mode. I doubt his power. I am a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

So this is the problem. And I am trying to find some answers, but hopefully this is an encouragement...God is never to big to be small enough for me and my heart's healing. Good to know.

To wrap it up...a few words from Nichole Nordeman (this is the listen to another thing haha)

And I know you could leave writing on the wall
that's just for me.
Or send wisdom while I'm sleeping,
like in Soloman's sweet dreams.
But I don't need the strength of Samson
or a chariot in the end.
Just want to know that you still know how many hairs
are on my head
Oh great god, be small enough to hear me now.

Joy.

2009-04-12T20:35:00.000-07:00

I always have been a big fan of Easter.
We go to church, we eat lots of food, we go play with animals at our friends farm.

Good times. Always expect that.

But today, something happened that I can hardly even comprehend.

I think that today, I saw joy for the first real time.
I mean...I know that I have encountered joyful people in my life, and I have claimed to know the difference between joy and happiness...but today, I got it.

Our church had a baptism at its Easter service, and seeing some of my students get baptized...is something I will always remember. Seeing their faces as they made that public declaration of their relationship with their creator...was a beautiful sight.

I think though, there were three specific instances amidst all the incredible moments where I saw the most vivid depictions of true joy.

[1]
One of our high-schoolers Carly got baptized. So rad. But the cool thing that was as she was walking into the pool I saw her sobbing and wondered why she was so emotional about this. Then I saw behind her, and elderly man who was dressed in full Easter attire--obviously had not planned to be baptized. She mouthed to me "my grandpa is getting baptized too!" Seeing them go down together, and come up together...was something so beautiful. She could not contain her joy, and I now realize how incredible that must have been for her to see her grandfather making the public declaration, even at his age.

[2]
Next was man who was also sobbing as he was prayed over in the pool. I could tell that this was the end of a long and painful journey, and that Jesus had met him in a very special place. When he rose all he could find it in his soul to do was to praise Jesus, and he started worshipping and praising the Lord right there in the pool. I have never seen anyone look so redeemed and loved in my entire life, and I felt that God was showing himself to me in that moment.

[3]
Lastly, one of our Jr. High boys Kevin brought one of his friends to the service with him. Kevin is one of those kids that we are always yelling at in church...you know the kind that you have a love/hate relationship with. But as he was walking his friend down to the pool, I saw how excited he was for his friend. He stood with his friend as he was being prayed over, and started screaming and cheering as he came up from the water. I lost it. One of our 7th grade boys, someone who I would have never expected showed me what true joy for a friend's redemption looks like.

Today was incredible.
Life-changing.

He is risen.
{He is risen indeed}

LF

Situation #1

2009-04-05T01:14:00.001-07:00

If the present were my past my future would be incredibly different.

And I don't know if I am OK with that.

Quote from the night--

Best: Swans
"Eh, I have seen better birds..."

Tonight was one of those nights.

Flow is flow...

2009-03-25T11:08:00.000-07:00

So I am probably overreacting.

But pet peeve of the day is when you have been in a class for...hmmm 10 weeks or so and you always sit in the same seat. Then one day, some person decides that they want to sit there. Not only do they take your seat, but they also "save" all the seats around it so you cannot even sit in the general area...LAME.

C'mon guys, really? Flow is flow, and you are messin' with it.

Whateves.

LF

+and+

2009-03-19T09:54:00.000-07:00

+I am a little sad I only get like one and a half days of real Spring Break.
+Which will be spent doing homework. Figures.

+I just spent 6 days with about 60 girls doing concerts for either a) really old people, or b) Christian high-schoolers (enough said).
+As much as I did not enjoy it while it was happening...looking back it was pretty fun. It was an interesting time, but getting to be with some really chill people made it worth it.

+I think the highlight of the entire time though, is the dance-off/battle we had at the end of one of our concerts. Seriously, like...the kids were hardcore break dancing and ish...so funny.
+Some close seconds though (in the highlight department) would be accidentally socking a kid in the face (sorry...) and having a high school boy hit on my while I was on stage doing PR for the school...and the awkward conversation that came as a result of that.

+This week was the most freeing week of my life.
+God rocked my world in ways that I never saw coming, so all I can do is be thankful to Him, and I also have to wait on Him to give me strength in times of trial that are sure to come after this blissful season.

+This felt good.
+I miss blogging alot.

LF

Psalm 142

2009-02-23T00:12:00.000-08:00

First of all, I was totally paying attention in church.

But for some reason, I turned to this Psalm while I was trying to find Corinthians...and I don't think it was a mistake. So I spent some time thinking about it while I was sitting there...and it resonates with me so much at this time in my life:

Psalm 142

A maskil of David. When he was in the cave. A prayer. ^a]">

¹ I cry aloud to the LORD;
I lift up my voice to the LORD for mercy.

² I pour out my complaint before him;
before him I tell my trouble.

³ When my spirit grows faint within me,
it is you who know my way.
In the path where I walk
men have hidden a snare for me.

⁴ Look to my right and see;
no one is concerned for me.
I have no refuge;
no one cares for my life.

⁵ I cry to you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my refuge,
my portion in the land of the living."

⁶ Listen to my cry,
for I am in desperate need;
rescue me from those who pursue me,
for they are too strong for me.

⁷ Set me free from my prison,
that I may praise your name.
Then the righteous will gather about me
because of your goodness to me.

So David was in hiding in a cave from his enemies who wanted to kill him...a bit different than the place I am at...but I love the honesty that David has with God. He is not afraid to be real, and angry and honest with his Creator...because let's face it...life sucks at this point.

But something so incredible about David is that he gets the fact that His Maker is in control of every aspect of his life. Even when he is forced to spend his days running and his nights hiding in a cave, he still calls on Jesus as his portion and refuge...despite the loneliness he feels.

I wish I could be more like David in many ways, specifically the way he is transparent with God. I let God know when I am not happy with his decisions, but I usually leave it at that. I think that David spends time with God when he is disheartened, and although he does pour out his complaint and sorrow, he also searches for God in his situation. I know that all the crap going on in my life is part of a plan and a bigger picture...but God wants me to be open and honest with him about how that makes me feel.

Secondly, I wish that I would see troubles as David saw them. Come to think of it, also as Paul saw them...as opportunities for faith to be tested and to still turn to God and realize that His plan reigns supreme in my life. I try to reason and argue with God about how my way is better...as I am sure David did while he was trying to escape death, but I wish that I would truly understand what it means to trust the Lord, and be content even if He is the only good thing going on in my life at this moment...

I don't know. Just some thoughts. I like Psalms though...I should not pay attention in church more often : )

LF

And on the days that it rains...

2009-02-05T09:54:00.000-08:00

So I am giving you a warning that this is going to be a blog that will fall under the cliche "boy drama" category. Feel free to stop reading at this point, because in all honesty...I feel bad whining to my real friends (as opposed to online, blog-reading friends...I guess?) about this but I need to get it down somewhere.

You know when you think about someone in your head for so long that you think that you have a perfectly accurate sense of who they are...and then you are completely wrong? Worst feeling in the world. OK, maybe not the WORST...but it is pretty terrible. Like, from a distance they are this person that is the epitomy of what you want...but in real life (that exists, what?) they are just a normal person...with flaws and issues that make them a little less perfect.

And it is not fair. Because its not like they were pretending to be this perfect person or anything...but you just don't know them well enough to make any real decisions. Usually this happens when its a really attractive person, because hey they are hot...so their real personality doesn't matter. But in this case, it was not so much that...as something that I overthought and obsessed over in my head...bad decision. I think the most upsetting part about this whole situation is that I can only be mad at myself because I wasted too much time pursuing something that would never work out, on my own will.

Blah, I can't even think coherently right now. But that is OK, because today it's gonna rain. And then tomorrow its going to be sunny and warm and I am going to be with the people that love me for who I am.

Actually, it might rain tomorrow (stupid weather). But Saturday is sunshine and smiles.

Until then.

LF

Let's see how this goes.

2009-02-01T23:37:00.000-08:00

Usually blogging at late-night hours is never a good thing. But we will try this out.

Bah, I love when church services rock my night. Tonight was one of the best worship experiences our team has had I think...which, selfishly, is exaclty what my soul needed tonight.

But that is not the point of this blog, rather I was struck by something the Steve taught about tonight...

How often do I soften the message of the cross for people? Try everyday. I mean I can sit here and think of times THIS WEEKEND that I have blatantly diminished the value of my relationship with Christ because it is not the cool thing to talk about...this really scares me. It was so convicting because I have perfected this illusion, and people think that I am this outspoken, Bible-preaching, worship leading, FISH listening Christian because that is what I try to make them believe...when in actually I would probably never tell anyone that I am a Christian unless they brought it up in a conversation.

I seriously cannot stand this about myself...and so its my challenge to myself this month: to be proud and bold about my faith, and to share it with the people that I normally would hide it from. I can already think of a few people who this entails...and its scary to think about having that conversation with them, but I know that I have to. I am called to.

To close, my friend Amy was telling me about a video that was shown in her church, about an atheist who was having a conversation with someone about the Christians he had known in his life. He said something that seriously ripped me apart: "How much does a Christian have to hate me to not tell me about my chance for eternal life?"

I am that Christian, and although I don't think it is our job to run arounf screaming at people about accepting Christ...the athiest is right, do I really care so little about my friends that I get shy and hesitant about telling them the truth that will change their lives?

Somehting to ponder, its a lot to think about...the idea of literally transforming our lifestlye to be active sharers of the good news...but its also something we are called to, and I know that God will guide me in every-step that I take.

Wish me luck this month with my mission : )
Night (wow, that wasn't so bad)

LF

But, they have puppies!

2009-01-28T23:50:00.000-08:00

I refuse to be that girl.

For the second time.

None of you know what this blog is referring to...and that is OK.

Let's just say:
"Shame on you if you fool me once, but SHAME ON ME if you fool me twice."

Night

Something I learned today.

2009-01-26T11:09:00.000-08:00

The honey of life lies not
in the cool of the refrigerator,
but in hives -
guarded by harsh stinging bees!

And yeah, life stings at times -
but the sting does not
take away the honey.
does it?

(Princeley Glorious)

I thought the omlette line was bad...

2009-01-16T11:04:00.000-08:00

The "make-out couple" that I mention earlier in my blog (although, I must have deleted it because I cannot find it...but I am almost sure I did) that was making out in the omlette line that one dreaded morning now sits in front of me in one of my classes.

I seriously feel vomit coming up right now...I mean is it necessary to grope each other while learning about the New Testament? I mean frick, I think somewhere it says "do not touch each other endlessly in religion classes" in the Gospels right?
{edit: they just kissed during prayer...definitely something in the Bible about that right...?}

I think I am going to suggest a seating chart in which they are placed at the opposite ends of the room. This would be great because of A) the fact that they could not physically molest each other for one hour, that would do them some good and B) be SO enjoyable for me...I would (and I am sure the others sitting here with me who have to watch them) would LOVE to watch them suffer and make googly-eyes across the room at each other.

I thought I was safe if I avoided the omlette line, but I just can't escape this "love-story".
I am doomed.

Time to "pay attention" in this class...if I can that is.

LF

You know you live in Orange County

2009-01-05T09:46:00.001-08:00

When this is a common response in youth group:

Mason (the Jr. High teacher for the morning): So Kids...all they really had to eat was Manna, but it was alright because it was a sign that God would always be there to provide for them in times of need...

Holly (8th grade girl): Ew, that sucks...that is all carbs.

My heart breaks for their generation.

Also: I am going to Google Manna because there was a dispute yesterday as to what it was...this is what I came up with...from Wikipedia, VERY reliable source.

[Two minutes later]
Well. There is a whole bunch of biblical, scientific jargin that I do not want to bore you with...so I tried to find a picture, but there is this porn star with the last name "Manna" so there is only photos of her & it is awkward to search throughout those for an actual picture of Manna....soo if you are interested (who wouldn't be) go read this book:

Merkur, Dan (2000). The Mystery of Manna: The Psychedelic Sacrament of the Bible''. Rochester, VT: Park Street Press.

SO much Food for thought (dun dun chh)...I know.
LF

I risk sounding cliche.

2008-12-28T11:07:00.000-08:00

For this:
My new years resolution.

I resolve to not let people get the best of me. I resolve to be myself; to not try and impress those who would only accept me as someone I am not. I resolve to let my inner being shine through, whether or not that makes me popular or well-liked. I resolve to never let people bring me down; to always be grateful for the things I do have rather than long for the things I do not have. I resolve to fall in love with myself as the girl that my creator formed perfectly and not to be discontent with the woman I am today. I resolve to continue growing, but to always stay true to who I know I am, and to who I know my Father wants me to be, regardless if that is what the world tells me I should be.

LF

My Future Profession.

2008-12-20T10:57:00.000-08:00

I had an epiphany.

My future career is to be on of the hosts/comedians on all the VH1 shows (like, Best Week Ever, Top 20 Countdown...etc)

I know that actually is not a 'career' persay, but it is my dream. Making fun of celebrities all day long...sounds SO great to me.

Just FYI

Tonight.

2008-12-14T00:33:00.001-08:00

Some great things happened.

1) I bought the new Tyrone album...it's really great, one of those I will be listening to for awhile.

2) I walked through THE ENTIRE STORE at Barnes & Noble...here are some interesting facts:
-The "Gay Sex" (like literally, how to have better gay sex...) section is right next to all the Bibles and Christian Books, ironic.
-The best titles of books can be found in the "Romance" section...for example: 'Did you bring your sexy?' Sounds like a winner right there, the cover was even better.
-This is what I ended up purchasing, out of the WHOLE store...I am even a little embarrassed for myself...

I can feel you judging me, but stop it. He won eight gold medals. Any he looks like the bodily representation of heaven...so jut deal with it.

Also tonight I saw Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist which I give two thumbs down too...Michael was amazing, but other than that it was lame.

Because my opinion matters SO much.

LF

Before I get Carpal Tunel?

2008-12-10T00:54:00.000-08:00

I don't even know if that is how you spell it, but I figured since I may die tonight...I should at least have a farewell blog.

To my parents:
Thanks for raising me and not kicking me out when I acted dumb and ate all the ice cream.

To my brothers:
Don't do drugs. Also, don't buy a lot of ringtones for your phone because dad takes your money and its sucks.

To the girls:
Marie: Stay strong. Also, put an art project by my casket please? Modge Podge will do. I would have had you in my wedding, don't fret.
Kayla T: Red. Stay Ginger. I will you my "lover" so you can have ginger babies, it will be beautiful.
Kayla S: Don't get knocked up, tell the BF to keep his hands to himself...awkward haha.
Aly: Keep an eye on our roomate for me. Also, bury me with the entire series of Friends...I will watch it in the afterlife.
Talene: Don't stay out late and stop making all da' boys like you.
Alicia: I don't what you do in life, cure AIDS, free all the children in Africa...freaking make out with one fo the Invisible Children filmakers once in your life.
Samantha: Have fun in jail, also...don't befriend a woman named Shiela. I had nightmares about her already for you...not pretty.
Brit: Stay freaky. They'll love it. And stay the EFF away from "lover." And his grandma...
Erika: Kill Cayden for me. Thanks.
Summer: Make out with (you know who...right) for me at least once in your life. Dedicate the "tree strattling" to me please. All I ask.
Kayla Holtz: Please be Belle and prove all those anorexic Belles wrong. Keep scary boys away from FOO too! She is magnet for them apparently.

To the Boys:
Jefe: Stop being a playa...settle down son. But take care of the kiddies for me and whip them into shape!
Fras: Go back to Canada. And find a freaking girl please so I don't think there's something wrong with you. Also, stop telling everyone who I like...thanks.
Gabriel: Don't marry someone who will steal your side of the bed, keep your standards high...you deserve it. Please shave on a regular basis too, thanks.
Nick: Should you give up? I think you should just keep chasing pavements.
Max: Take my secret to the grave, also...don't ever do anything inappropriate around Peter risking your reputation on Facebook...just saying...
Michael: Use the pickup lines...they are legit.
Dain: Please tell everyone we were married so they don't think I died alone...
Nehmes: Ensure that Jenny will never teach another class again...please

I think that is all I want to say right now. Because I feel like already I have broken some sort of "friendship" rules or something...also, I really need to sleep if I don't want death to become a reality.

Here's to the night...
LF

This is why I am a...

2008-12-08T09:35:00.000-08:00

A very happy person.

1) Red nail-polish. I mean every time I wear it I just feel better about life. I don't know what magic it has over me...but "Deck the Holly" red nail-polish , you're alright in my book.

2) Laughing until I either a) pee my pants or b) start crying. Much like when I think about Marie giving a speech in front of a large amount of people...yeah that does it for me.

3) Wint-O- Green lifesaver mints. Because you feel like you are eating candy, but they are mints...which translates into good breath which is ALWAYS a good thing. Also, did you know that each one of them has less than 1 calorie? Yeah, so they are also a healthy alternative to say...other mint...items that are inferior in candy-like taste.

Also I am happy because school is almost over, and even though I don't particulary like living at home...I am glad for the break, much needed.

LF

: )

2008-12-04T12:49:00.000-08:00

Whenever this world gets the best of me
And it all goes wrong
I count down the hours till the time we meet
And I move along
'Cause I know that when I see you I will be

Happy as the sun, lighter than a feather
Walking on the clouds when we are together
Every day with you just keeps getting better
The world's as it should be, when are you here with me
Here with me

Whenever you leave, my heart skips a beat
Unless you are here, I am incomplete
Like an undone song
Only you inspire the melody in me

Happy as the sun, lighter than a feather
Walking on the clouds when we are together
Every day with you just keeps getting better
The world's as it should be, when are you here

How could I go wrong
When you are here with me
How could I be anything but smiling

I'm happy as the sun, lighter than a feather
Walking on the clouds when we are together
Every day with you just keeps getting better
The world's as it should be, when are you here with me

The worlds as it should be
When you are here, when you are here
When you are here with me

: ) Kind of.
LF

Familiarity.

2008-11-30T14:00:00.001-08:00

I think that is one thing I take for granted.

And then everything changes, and I wish it hadn't.

Sure, there are good things about change...but I don't know if I am willing to give up the already good things that I had to get new good things.

I wish nothing changed and we stayed the same. I wish there were no awkward silences. I wish there were no moments when I felt like I was speaking a foreign language and you don't understand. I want to go back to the times when I didn't feel the need to impress anyone, because I was happy with who I was. I wish we could go back.

But of course, if this happened I would want things to change again. So I am perpetually seeking contentment, but will never find it.

Which I guess I am fine with. Content you could say.

LF

Don't blame the bubble.

2008-11-30T13:32:00.000-08:00

People always tell me I live in a bubble. Like "when you get out in to the real world, things will be so different!"

I have two issues with this. And I am on a lot of medication for my cracked tailbone (update:yes still in pain...note to all do NOT wear non-grip UGGS in the rain) so that is undoubtedly influencing my judgement and reasoning (I don't have an issue with that though...)

First of all. Vanguard, Orange County, whatever...it is the real world people. Like it is real and it is the world. At Vanguard, people still get their heart broken, they still experience trauma, they still deal with friend issues, they still fall in love, they still deal with money issues (and they still have to deal with the problem of not having enough money), they still are LIVING life. It's like I don't understand how the moment I graduate, all of a sudden I am transported to this magical place called "the realy world" where I suddenly have all these responsiblities. I mean people are always like...you have to start paying the bills, working a real job, etc...UH, guys, I pay the bills ($30,000 school=bills) and a lot of people work real jobs or consider school a real job. Like...I mean I can sort of see how life would be different, but I don't think being at school makes me in any less of a "real world."

I just don't understand how this is "not the real world..." it is THE WORLD and IT IS REAL. Right?

And secondly,

I hate that the "bubble" gets such a bad rap. I mean, people get somewhere and then they stay there, the issues that happen there become important, and the people they meet there become a huge part of their lives...therefore creating a "bubble." But how is that anyone else's fault but the people's own? I don't know where this going...but like, people are always like "The Vanguard Bubble" like it is some terrible thing...such a negative connotation. It's not Vanguards fault it is the way it is...its the people that populate it, so stop blaming Vanguard...stop blaming the "bubble." It has a hard enough life without whiny VU students all up on its grill.

I don't know why I am writing about this. It's late. I am tired. I jsut got done singing Christmas music for 3 hours. And I am on meds.

Night.
LF

Holy Crap.

2008-11-29T02:56:00.001-08:00

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

There is controversy in 'wooing?'

2008-11-21T09:08:00.000-08:00

So last night we had our annual "Woofest" which for all of you who do not have the joy of going to Vanguard...is basically a time when all the boys dance and sing on stage and try to "woo" the girls. Now this is a tradition that has been around the school for years, and it is something that the boys work really hard to plan. All the girls (and the boys) dress up, and the night begins with a processional where a guy and girl get paired, the guy gives her a rose and walks her to her seat and they take a cheesy, high-school dance photo together (which no one ever sees again...I would like mine with Campus Safety hottie from last year please...).

Girls love it because we get to see (for one night only) that all the boys at Vanguard are not totally retarded and it is actually really funny. BUT last night, some girls decided they did not like being 'wooed' and decided to protest. I am all for freedom of speech and expression, don't get me wrong...but I think there is an appropriate time and place, and right outside the doors for a traditional event that is held every year is NOT the place.

Here are some issues with the protest, and I honestly don't give a crap if you agree with me or not. This is my blog, therefore my opinions.

1. They had their mouths and hands taped like going to Woofest is some freaking slave trade or something. No girl is FORCED to go...if they don't want to they don't have to. I know plenty of girls who think it is dumb and they didn't go...no biggie. But saying that if you go to Woofest you are being SILENCED and CHAINED (or whatever it is they were trying to represent) is a complete exaggeration. Also, if they think it is unfair that only the boys do this, then why don't they try to get equality? Why don't they lobby for a girl "Woofest?" That would make they whole idea completely equal, and neither gender would be left out. The thing is... guaranteed none of the protesters would participate in something like that if it were an event...so they should stop talking about "Unfairness" and "Inequality" unless they are willing to DO SOMETHING about it. It doesn't take a lot to stand there making a scene, it takes a lot to actually act and back up your words with action.

2. They had the word "chauvinistic" on their poster: mind you, the definition of that word is "biased devotion to any group, attitude, or person..." Are they trying to say that it is showing biased devotion to men? Because if they are, I honestly don't think they have ever been to Woofest. Let me be the first to say that the emphasis of the whole night is RESPECTING and CHERISHING women, how is that in any way chauvinistic? The boys never once say that they are superior to the girls or show that girls are lesser than them...they show how much they care about them. I never once felt like boys were putting me down or subconsciously saying they were better than me. I think that before they put a word on poster to protest, they should a) understand what the word REALLY means and b) make sure that the claims they are making are true. Both of which, I feel they did not do.

3. One of my friends actually got the protestor's opinions about the event, and something she said they told her was (and this is paraphrasing...but to the effect of what they were getting at) that they felt like it was unfair because the girls went in and sat down and watched the boys and had to be-quiet...they thought it was a sign of submission. Like I said before, no girl HAS to to go to Woofest. So what I don't understand is how they believe they are justified in judging me or anyone else that CHOOSES to go sit inside and watch this show. We have our rights and if we CHOOSE to do that, then that is our perogative. I think a response to something like this that my friend posed was the fact that we are blinded to the negativity of this event....but let me tell you, I have about 12 friends that are Soc. Majors (aka Leonerd drones ...no offense, that is just a joke, love her) and I have heard a lot about gender roles and all that jazz, and I definitely do not consider myself "blinded" and I still CHOSE to go to Woofest. I just think it's unfair to judge girls who actually like the event and think its funny...calling us "blinded" and casting some negative light on us.

4. This is a totally emotional point but come on, let's be honest here...no girl actually FALLS IN LOVE with any of these boys after the event. It's not like "OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT BOY AFTER SEEING HIM SHAKE HIS BUTT ON STAGE, I AM LITERALLY SOOOO WOO'D RIGHT NOW..." No...it's more like "Wow, those boys are soo ridiculous, and that was really funny." I think the word "Woo" is just a word used for the event, but not something that actually happens in the literal sense. I just find it hard to believe that girls who attend Woofest are secretly being caught up in some social gender scheme to make girls feel lesser in society or on Vanguard's campus.

All in all, I think that it was just dumb to do what they did. The boys worked hard planning this, and especially the RA's. I think that there are other ways they could have gone about making their point without embarrassing people unnecessarily. If they don't want to go, the DON'T GO, but don't stand there like you are so much better than everyone else and judge other people for having fun.

There is my rant. I don't care if you don't like it. I love Woofest. I think it's funny and I am glad it is a tradition. May the "chauvinism" (if that is what they wanna call it) go on forever in my book...

LF

Is it too much to ask to be remembered?

2008-11-14T21:32:00.001-08:00

So it sucks to be forgotten.

It also sucks to be forgotten again.

That is all.

This is something I NEVER saw happening.

2008-11-14T09:25:00.001-08:00

I actually LIKE Taylor Swift's new album. Which is something I NEVER would have thought, but its really good and it fits perfectly with the rut I am currently in.

Here is some lyrics from the song "Hey Stephen" which I want to cover one day with a name other than Stephen because I don't like that name. I think she only chose it becasue it rhymes with 'deceivin'

Hey Stephen, I know looks can be deceivin'
But I know I saw a light in you
And as we walked we were talking
I didn't say half the things I wanted to
Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold
Hey Stephen, boy you might have me believin'
I don't always have to be alone

Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself

Hey Stephen, I've been holding back this feelin'
So I've got some things to say to you
I've seen it all, so I thought
But I've never seen no body shine the way you do
The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change
Hey Stephen, why are people always leavin'
I think you and I should stay the same

Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you
Can't help it if there's no one else
I can't help myself

They're dimming the street lights, you're perfect for me
Why aren't you here tonight?
I'm waiting alone now so come on and come out
And pull me near and shine, shine, shine

Hey Stephen, I could give you fifty reasons
Why I should be the one you choose
All those other girls, well they're beautiful
But would they write a song for you?

No title needed.

2008-11-05T09:03:00.000-08:00

So this is my one and only blog about politics. And instead of ranting about how terrible the world is going to be, I will let you do it. These are Facebook statuses written by REAL people, and as much as I wanted to post names to show you all how many idiots there are in the world...I decided to be nice. Here we go.

Facebook User #1 is predicting that the world will end in 7 yrs now that Obama is president.
(Yes because that is one of the qualifications for Jesus to return. I am glad you have your theology straight...)

Facebook User #2 thinks that anyone wearing a Obama shirt today is synonymous with wearing a sign that says "Hello. I'm a douchebag".
(Or "Suck it. Stop being sore losers...")

Facebook User #3 says look at the upside we all get to see an assassination.
(I don't think there is language strong enough to express how much of an idiot this person is for saying this. But what really makes me sad is the fact that this person is a Christian, I am glad that is how he chooses to represent Christ.)

Facebook User #4 is going to build a bomb shelter under Catalina if anyone would like to Join!
(I have many issues with this statement but I will only make a few...first of all, I am sure if terrorists did come to American right now and bomb crap, Vanguard would be the prime target for them because it is SO important and all...)

Facebook User #5 says its good to know California is alive and well with bigotry and homophobia. Screw you bible pushers, your god is false.
(Yeah, this is really what people think. I am glad we have made such a name for ourselves.)

AND because I honestly cannot stomach much more of retarded things people have been saying, here are some that I wish I would have thought of. These people are intelligent and I am very proud to be their acquatinces right now.

Facebook User #6 is wondering why those complaining of Obama socialism are threatening to move to Canada (a socialist nation).
(Agree, shows how dumb people truly are...)

Facebook User #7 is bummed...read Romans 13.
(Thank you, here it is just for your reading pleasure & Enlightement):

Romans 13

Submission to the Authorities

1Everyone must submit himself to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except that which God has established. The authorities that exist have been established by God.

2Consequently, he who rebels against the authority is rebelling against what God has instituted, and those who do so will bring judgment on themselves.

3For rulers hold no terror for those who do right, but for those who do wrong. Do you want to be free from fear of the one in authority? Then do what is right and he will commend you.

4For he is God's servant to do you good. But if you do wrong, be afraid, for he does not bear the sword for nothing. He is God's servant, an agent of wrath to bring punishment on the wrongdoer.

5Therefore, it is necessary to submit to the authorities, not only because of possible punishment but also because of conscience.

6This is also why you pay taxes, for the authorities are God's servants, who give their full time to governing.

7Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.

Facebook User #8 says "I wish many of my Christian friends would be as excited about the gospel as they are their candidates."
(Shoot.)

Facebook User #9 will help pack the belongings of all those people who said they would rather live in Canada. Go Obama!
(I will help too, defer to the above Canada comment though...these people are idiots.)

Facebook User #10 is wondering if there are any Republicans disillusioned enough to not have seen this coming a year away... (And calm down people. It's a democrat, not a demon!)
(So true, I mean I think it's pretty clear that Bush screwed things up pretty badly and its hard to seperate McCain from his predecessor...ESPECIALLY when the last time economy was doing really well was under the Clinton Admin)

And as if I didn't already love this person enough (Ok, its Jamie Huff...he is not an idiot so I can give him credit where credit is due...)

Jamie Huff thinks Dallas Willard's reflections on anger should be heeded by all: "There is nothing that can be done with anger that cannot be done better without it."
(Enough said. Being angrey ain't gonna change anything.)

ALL this to say, we all have opnions and that is fine. I mean I am not hating on anyone for expressing their opnion, but at least be educated. Be kind. Practice restraint when you might make people question things because you say your a Christian but act with such hate...its commn sense people. Besides, what's done is done. Welcome to Presidency Obama! I will be praying that the Lord leads you and guides you, and that is all that I can do.

LF

ENVY.

2008-11-03T13:46:00.000-08:00

Not only is ENVY the title of the movie that caused Jack Black to lose all credibility in my eyes, but it is also the sin that I think I struggle with the most. When I think about it, I spend a large part of my day envying.

Envying their relationship.
Envying his car.
Envying her body.
Envying this, envying that.

Who cares? I mean it's a human thing to want what others have and you don't right? I mean even the most spiritual person struggles with it don't they?

But then I think about the fact that these are the types of scriptures that are written about it:

Proverbs 14:30

30 A heart at peace gives life to the body,
but envy rots the bones.

Proverbs 23:17

17 Do not let your heart envy sinners,
but always be zealous for the fear of the LORD

Mark 7:21-23

21For from within, out of men's hearts, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, 22greed, malice, deceit, lewdness, envy, slander, arrogance and folly. 23All these evils come from inside and make a man 'unclean.' "

And I start thining...crap. This is not a good thing. Envy is bad, and I knew that...but it just hits me really hard at this moment.

At this point I probably am supposed to have some incredible epiphany about how to stop envying people...but I have none. I mean, how does one (a human) stop envying? I don't know...and whether or not I should...I don't. So there's that, and it is kind of freaking me out right now.

Question: Isn't the time supposed to change?

2008-11-02T00:24:00.000-07:00

Yes, I feel like the time should be changing right now?

Which brings back wonderful memories of last year, and how we were all at Matty's house and Jackson said "One minute until time travel. what should we take with us?" And we wrote on Matty's wall, and ventured in his forest, and fell asleep on the bunk beds when we were supposed to go home. And when me and Leesh drove home in the ridiculous fog at 3AM...

Which makes me really nostalgic for last year because it was amazing and I miss it. SO much has change, and today (right now) I still have not decided if that is a good thing or not.

OK, but in other news...currently there is a maintenance worker in my room sucking up all the water from "Geyser 221" as I will now refer to it as (our stinking toilet exploded, basically). So that is terrible.

But on a happy ending note, I went to the SC game today in which we dominated. It was amazing, but the most amazing part was the Texas Tech/U of Texas game we watched afterward at this sweet house that was an actual game...came down to the last minute, so intense.

I have forgotten how much I LOVE college football...these games always bring me back...can't wait until next week (SC vs. Cal).

This post was bacially pointless. I am aware, but when there is a ma in your room and he is making a lot of noise...one thing to do is blog. So I did.

"good" night.

LF

Oh Matthew.

2008-10-29T22:03:00.001-07:00

Tonight me and Kayla made a checklist for our future significant others:
1) Must be able to sing (well) us to sleep
2) Play instrument (I am down for the piano...guitar?)
3) Kayla said tall, dark and handsome, and I agreed but I take back my agreement and state that my new requirement is that you are Matthew Thiessen. Why? Because he is a babe (see below). Also because he writes surprisingly great songs, including this one which I love.

You all may think I am crazy, but one day when he is serenading me with an acoustic version of this dittie...I will show you. Read the words and fall in love for yourself.

But not too much love, that's not OK.
: )

We should get jerseys cause we make a good team
But yours would look better than mine, cause you're outta my league
And I know that it's so cliche to tell you that everyday
I spend with you is the new best day of my life
Everyone watching us just turns away with disgust
It's Jealously, they can see that we've got it going on

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say
You're OK with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing we've ever seen

If anyone can make me a better person you could
All I gotta say is I must've done something good
I came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I gotta say is I must've done something right
I must've done something right

Maybe I'm just lucky cause it's hard to believe
Believe that somebody like you'd end up with someone like me
And I know that it's so cliche to talk about you this way
But I'll push all my inhibitions aside
It's so very obvious to everyone watching us
That we have got something real good going on

And I'm racking my brain for a new improved way
To let you know your more to me than what I know how to say
You're OK with the way this is going to be
This is going to be the best thing we've ever seen

If anyone can make me a better person you could
All I gotta say is I must've done something good
I came along one day and you rearranged my life
All I gotta say is I must've done something right
I must've done something right

LF

Should I just keep chasing pavements?

2008-10-27T23:14:00.000-07:00

Things I do not like at the moment:
1) The fact that I have 100+ assignments due this week
2) The fact that I am sitting blogging about them and not actually doing them.
3) The fact my throat is throbbing and I have a recital on Thursday.
4) The DUMB mini-bikes that boys are now obsessed with at Vanguard, SO ANNOYING.

BUT on a more positive note--
Things I love right now:

1) Adele. She's got soul.
2) My new laptop. It does cool things.
3) When my roomate(s) go crazy and we ask Cha Cha for jokes. You should try it, text 242-242 and ask it for anything, like jokes...fun facts...anything. It's great.
4) WC, never ever thought I would say that, but today was seriously one of the most fun days in a long time.
5) Candy Corn.
6) The thought that I don't have to wake up early tomorrow.
7) My Hunter Parrish look-alike boyfriend who I got to see today.
8) The boys on 4th floor even they like McCain.
9) My dad. He fixes things like my computer.
10) CC Krew, even though Justin is a tool.

Life has been good so far this week. Although I am not digging all the election drama we got going on...

LF

I've just seen a face, I can't forget the time or place...

2008-10-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

This morning I found my soulmate.

He is a freshmen so that is weird. But he looks EXACTLY like Hunter Parrish, who as many of you know I love.

Meet Hunter. (over there <)

So if you are a freshmen, and you look like this...stay away from me. For your own good hah.

Oh and sidenote, I hope this freshmen is NOTHING like Hunter Parrish because I am pretty sure he is gay...so here's to praying that [insert his name] my future soulmate is not.

In other less stalkerish news: Tomorrow I have my first traffic school experience. I don't know what to expect, but maybe something great will happen like I will meet my actual soulmate or someone famous. I don't know why that would happen, but a girl can dream. On the other hand, if it just normal and as terrible as everyone says it is...then I might kill myself. WHOA WHOA WHOA, don't calling a shrink or anything Mom...I am just kidding...

But just in case, Aly...you can have my purses and shoes, Maris you take the magazines, all of you girls can have my clothes and my dear, sweet soulmate [insert name here] who I don't know and am freakishly infatuated with for no reason but your looks...you will have my heart.

Whoa. I swear I am not usually this creepy...

LF

Looks like things are finally on my side

2008-10-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

I found my chapstick.

Things are looking up.

(this is me kissing my chapstick because I missed it)

Today has been a terrible day

2008-10-15T23:44:00.000-07:00

Reasons why:

1) I lost my favorite chapstick. I mean, I loved this chapstick...I almost blogged about it once. But no matter, it's gone now. I hope it doesn't think I abandoned it...poor thing

: (

2) I realized I am destined to be on those cat ladies with 67 cats and no husband or social life. Which is unfortunate...because I am highly allergic to cats.

3) I got a terrible grade on a test, which I knew I did bad on...but not that bad. I made myself feel better temporarily while comparing my test score to other's in the class who did WAY worse...but now the cold, hard truth that I failed something is becoming very apparent.

4) There is nothing really to put here...but 3 is such a cliche number.

I have become...

2008-10-15T09:36:00.000-07:00

One of the people that I promised I never would.

1) I spend more time in the day checking/waiting to check my email/Facebook then I spend thinking about God.

2) I am more concerned with reading Glamour and Cosmopolitan than reading my BIBLE.

3) I spend more money on ridiculous things...and have not been tithing steadily since before summer.

4) I can tell you in full detail what happened on every major TV show, but could not even tell you what I learned in church last Sunday.

A verse that has really convicted me lately:

ISAIAH 1:13-18

13 Stop bringing meaningless offerings!

Your incense is detestable to me.

New Moons, Sabbaths and convocations—

I cannot bear your evil assemblies.

14 Your New Moon festivals and your appointed feasts

my soul hates.

They have become a burden to me;

I am weary of bearing them.

15 When you spread out your hands in prayer,

I will hide my eyes from you;

even if you offer many prayers,

I will not listen.

Your hands are full of blood;

16 wash and make yourselves clean.

Take your evil deeds

out of my sight!

Stop doing wrong,

17 learn to do right!

Seek justice,

encourage the oppressed.

Defend the cause of the fatherless,

plead the case of the widow.

18 "Come now, let us reason together,"

says the LORD.

"Though your sins are like scarlet,

they shall be as white as snow;

though they are red as crimson,

they shall be like wool.

Which coincides perfectly with a song that I almost started crying to when I was listening to it the other night...of course it is by Jon Foreman:

I hate all your show and pretense

The hypocrisy of your praise

The hypocrisy of your festivals

I hate all your show

Away with your noisy worship

Away with your noisy hymns

I stomp on my ears when you're singing 'em

I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice

An endless procession of righteous living, living

Instead let there be a flood of justice

Instead of a show

Your eyes are closed when you're praying

You sing right along with the band

You shine up your shoes for services

There's blood on your hands

You turned your back on the homeless

And the ones that don't fit in your plan

Quit playing religion games

There's blood on your hands

Instead let there be a flood of justice

An endless procession of righteous living, living

Instead let there be a flood of justice

Instead of a show

I hate all your show

Let's argue this out

If your sins are blood red

Let's argue this out

You'll be one of the clouds

Let's argue this out

Quit fooling around

Give love to the ones who can't love at all

Give hope to the ones who got no hope at all

Stand up for the ones who can't stand at all, all

I hate all your show

Instead let there be a flood of justice

An endless procession of righteous living, living

Instead let there be a flood of justice

Instead of a show

I hate all your show

Which combined are the two most convicting things I have come across in a long time. I am not going to go into detail why...but I am beginning to think that I need to some serious evaluation of what is a priority in my life...I hate that I have become someone who praises God so easily in church and when I am around church stuff...but when I am out of it, he is literally the last thing on my mind...

Things to ponder I suppose.

Friend, It's getting late...we should be going.

2008-10-06T09:13:00.000-07:00

Yesterday in the Jr. High group that I am a leader in we were talking about "Friends and Real Relationships." We learned about David and Jonathan which is a story that I have heard a billion times, but for some reason...it really resonated with me during this time. Ha, maybe it was because was meant for Jr. Highers so it was easy to understand for me...simple things always tend to capture my heart now that I think of it...

Anyways (ha Mike)

So we were talking about how Jonathan literally bowed before David, he gave him his earthly treasures and basically gave up his throne rights because he loved David so much. They truly loved each other and valued each other's well-being over their own. Jonathan knew that David had nothing to offer him, and David knew that Jonathan was giving up everything, but they still just loved each other unconditionally.

THEN I got to thinking...A) How many people would I give up everything for? Not that I am saying that to be a good friend you have to give people stuff...but I mean how many people would I be willing to sacrifice so much for? Or on the other hand, how many people would I just love unconditionally knowing they have nothing to offer me? and B) How many people would just love me for men, knowing I basically have nothing to offer? Or how many people would sacrifice that much for me?

It's a hard place to be, because I think those two questions redefine a lot of what I have grown up thinking a real friendship was. I have always tended to base my relationships on really shallow things, and then I wonder why I am often left lonely and upset with friend situations. I really was struck by the realization that maybe the reason that I feel these things is because I am not truly in a unconditional and genuine friendship with the people I thought I was. Which is heartbreaking, but also something that I am glad I realized now. Come to think of it...I actually realized it while I was in Africa doing some internal healing processing, but I was trying to put that thought on the back-burner because who wants to actually recognize that they are lonely?

Now, I don't want all my friends to think that I don't appreciate them or something...like I have awesome friends and I love them and would not trade the world for them...but I think that I need to start going deeper with people that I see in my life for a long time. I think my problem is that I try to become close with too many people, and I don't really invest in relationships because I am spreading myself so thin. This has always been the issue with my friendships...and it is finally something I have to deal with. I know there are some people in my life that I try and try to create this relationship with, but deep-down...I know it is a lost cause. It breaks my heart to know that I have to give those friendships up, but I would rather work on the relationships that are uplifting and real in my life.

I have been praying about the people that I am to start really going deeper with and some names glaringly come to mind...so I am comforted that God is really going to be with me in this process...but I still need a lot of prayer that God would guide me in this time and he would begin to open my eyes to the people that I truly value, and the people that truly value me...

A lot going on here, I know. But this has been super cleansing.

LF has 8 new crushes.

2008-10-01T09:23:00.000-07:00

Actually 7 because one is married...and that is weird. So 7.

I am referring to the all the boys in the bands:

Venus Infers & Bridgetown.

They were legit last night, finally some good non-Tyrone Wells concerts : )

I love each one of them...and I think that you should too.

Check them out on myspace!!!!!

Strange things.

2008-09-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

Today about 3 really strange things happened to me, which I felt inclined to share.

1) I got flipped off by an old man on a motorcycle today on the way to Chipotle. I was clearly NOT breaking any rules...I just wasn't letting him get where he needed to go fast enough. But I was so taken up that I had gotten the bird from an 80 year-old man wearing biker clothes and hair to his butt that I completley missed a green light and made everyone behind me very upset. No fun.

2) A little kid ran up to me in Macy's and tried to pants me. I was just standing there at the checkout and I felt this rush of air...well you know, up there. I turned around and there was this little Mexican kid cracking up. It was weird but I was laughing so hard I did not really realize how sketch it was.

3) I got accused of shoplifting from Target because the alarm went off while me and this other guy walked through...they had to search my stuff and they obviously found nothing...but this guy (security guard) was obviously new and had something to prove. He literally ran out the door and caught the guy who walked out with me and I assume searched him. All I can say about this occurence...is how ironic. HOW IRONIC. (I feel like only Marie will get that)

I don't know why this has been such an eventful day, but it makes for some nice blogging I suppose.

Peace and Love,
LF

I don't wanna wait--

2008-09-27T21:24:00.000-07:00

For my life to be over...I want to know right now who will it be!

Okay, so that's the theme song for Dawson's creek which I will talk about later.

So I haven't done a updating blog in a long time...mostly just random things/songs that come to mind...so I am excited for this one.

I am loving Vanguard more than ever, I am doing a ton around here: ASB Activities Board, Ambassadors (which is working with prospective students), Choir and last but not least...lovin' on the 4th Floor Huntington Boys (as their floor mom of course...). So I am definitely busy with all of that. I also am taking 18 units...and getting into the sweet Comm. courses which is super exciting. Music is going well...theory is going to be the DEATH of me...but I am so happy to finally be a part of the infamous "Vanguard Music Cult" hahaha. I also FINALLY chose an emphasis (drumroll...) JOURNALISM. Which is like, "Duh Lauren, why didn't you just always do that?" So I am ready and set to get started with that an figure out what I want to do in life...I am thinking Entertainment Tonight host...sounds like a DREAM to me : )

It's weird this year because I am hanging out with a lot of different people, but I still consider my 7th floor girls sisters! They are all busy with other stuff too...but it's cool to all be able to still hang out and laugh our butts off : ) WHICH brings me to my new favorite topic (and no, they did not force me to say this...) MY ROOMATES :))))))) I love them. Their names are Talene and Aly, and now you shall meet them.

Aly (left)

Interests: Studying 24/7. Watching Dawson's Creek with Lauren. Cleaning on Thursdays.

Fun Facts: She has this cool boyfriend named Jordan. She is obsessed with High School Musical. She has memorized the entire series of Friends, and quotes it frequently. She has the same bathing suit as Lauren. Which is cool.

Talene (right)

Interests: Reading British Literature. Watching Jon and Kate plus 8. Giraffes. Skyping.

Fun Facts: She also has a cool boyfriend named Austin. He goes to Pepperdine, which means is smart. She has a funny laugh. Our OT Prof. calls her TAY--leen every class...she never corrects him which annoys me.

I like both of them a lot. Also, I feel like I did neither of them justice because they sound like freaks from this...they are not. At this moment we are all wearing the same shirt. So that is also cool.

We watch entirely too much TV in our room...of course Friends, and more recently we are diggin' Jon and Kate plus 8 and (don't judge us) DAWSON'S CREEK. Okay, I will not rope Tal into that one because it is mostly me and Aly...but we are addicted. We love TV. And we love each other so Rm. 221 is a pretty bangin' place these days.

BACK TO ME...more importantly.

I still am a Jr- High leader at Rock Harbor...love every minute of it. The kids are hilarious and they crack me up. I also am still doing Worship (unless Caleb kicks me off and makes me an alternate this year...) so that is cool. I am growing to love RH more and more every day and it has been super important in a lot of the spiritual growth I have gone through this year.

I ALSO am still with the cutest boys ever 2 days a week: Jesse, Toby and Nicky : ) They are a handful, but so sweet. Look at Jess (3) in his Halloween Costume (Mickey Mouse) and tell me he is not the freaking cutest thing you have ever seen:

SO CUTE!

So yeah, that is my life as of now. That was exciting...stay tuned : )

I'm not gonna write you a love song...

2008-09-23T19:20:00.000-07:00

But I will steal one from Conor Oberst.

This is the first day of my life
Swear I was born right in the doorway
I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed
They're spreading blankets on the beach
Yours is the first face that I saw
I think I was blind before I met you
Don't know where I am, don't know where I've been
But I know where I want to go

So I thought I'd let you know
That these things take forever, I especially am slow
But I realized how I need you
And I wondered if I could come home

I remember the time you drove all night
Just to meet me in the morning
And I thought it was strange, you said everything changed
You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said, "This is the first day of my life
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you
Now I don't care, I could go anywhere with you
And I'd probably be happy"

So if you want to be with me
With these things there's no telling
We'll just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck
Than waiting to win the lottery

Besides, maybe this time it's different...

So good. : )
LF

I have been inspired.

2008-09-20T20:35:00.000-07:00

To write more embarrassing things about myself because apparently that was a hit last time. This one will be entitled "Dirty Little Secrets" because that's more what these are. Enjoy. (Kay, Marie...)

1. In 5th grade, there was this girl named Lauren Hill. I was envious of her a) because she was blonde and all the boys liked her b) because she also was a singer (at the time a better one then me...but now she is all hopped up on drugs and probably. prego...so I'm not worried) ANYWAY. So her middle name was Renee. My middle name is not Renee, but because I wanted to be like her, I told everyone in my class that my middle name was Renee so it could be like this cute little "Awwww both of you guys are Lauren Renee's... How cute" and I would not get lost in her shadow.

This turned out badly for me, mainly because eventually everyone found out my middle name was NOT Renee and then they laughed, shunned and mocked me. I blame my extreme unpopularity in 6th grade on this event. Stupid Lauren Hill. I disliked her strongly...

2. This one time, when I was wearing my fake "Keep the Creepers away while babysitting" engagement ring...the barista at Starbucks asked me if I was getting married, and OF COURSE I had to say yes...because otherwise I would look like a tool for lying...I made up this whole story about my "fiancee" (Edward...haha Twilight anyone?) and I said our wedding was at the top of Half Dome. Which is absolutely untrue and impossible. But she as dumb, she believed me.

Also, she asked me where I got my ring. I told her Cartier. Really?! I don't even know what that is but it sounded rich. I wonder how she felt when I walked out to my pos Camry and drove away...maybe she didn't believe me after that. I guess I will never know.

3. (and lastly because this is embarrassing)

I used to steal Barbie clothes from all my friends. Like I would go over to their houses and we would play Barbie's (I always was the Black one...I hated that) and then when they would leave or something, I would steal something and put it in my pocket. Although, since that was risky, as I got older...I developed a new plan and when we were cleaning up all of our stuff I would "accidently" put the item in my Barbie tub (yes, I had a HUGE plastic tub of Barbie stuff) so that I could use the excuse, "I accidently put it in there" if I was caught. It was a brilliant plan. Also, my Barbie clothing and accessory collection grew rapidly.

**I apologize now to Shannon Tessier and Emily Bizzell (most common recipient's of this cruel ploy) for this if they ever read this. I was a stupid Klepto as a kid....and I regret it. : )

Enough for now.

Holy Crap am I screwed up.

I'm not afraid to talk about it...

2008-09-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

I recently got into a conversation about "guilty pleasures" with someone inspired by the "single-things we do" concept from Sex and the City.

So I decided to be bold and come clean...here are my guilty pleasures/things I really wouldn't want any significant other to ever find out.

1. When I am at work, I usually talk to myself. Like make up full conversations...because that's how bored I am.

2. When I am babysitting, I consume about...let's say one-third of my body weight in Ritz and string cheese (I babysit twice a week. SICK)

3. Some people do Live Action Role Play in their spare time. I do Live Action pretend you are a celebrity when I am driving. I pretend I am driving a really nice car and give mean looks to people around me. It's exhilarating.

4. I have liked approximately 10 boys with a name that start with the letter "J"

5. I sent 350 entries to a "Meet the Jonas Brothers" sweepstakes out of a teeny bopper magazine.

6. I tried to sound inconspicuous in the last one by saying 'teeny bopper' when infact, I know the exact name (J-14, August Issue) because I spend about 1/4 of my weekly income on these types of magazines...

I feel like that's enough embarrassing things to throw out there.

But there (sadly) is many more..haha

On a lighter note...

2008-09-15T15:36:00.000-07:00

Sheesh, do I only blog when I am in a serious mood?

BORING.

Some funny things happened today:

Me and Talene decided we will pilot a reality show entitled "The Bachelor:Frontline Edition" in which Perry Kalmeta will star as the "Bachelor" and all the girl frontline leaders will be competing for his attention and love. This will be actually a REAL reality show since this is basically what happens in Frontline (or so we hear from third-party, uninvolved and objective sources).

I think this has potential to be a great show.

Oh, also, instead of getting a rose for staying (which you would be fined for picking...because this is Vanguard) you would get another (ANOTHER) Vanguard t-shirt with words that you can't really understand, but like because it looks cool.

So there's that.

Also, I made up a pickup line that I am soon going to test on Mike Jones...and prove my superiority to him in that department once and for all. It is kind of inappropriate though (Summer..haha) so I need to get closer to him first so I don't freak him out (unlikely)

Cheers

We're all murders and thieves, Setting traps here for even our brothers.

2008-09-07T23:30:00.000-07:00

How miserable I am
I feel like a fruitpicker who arrived here
after the harvest
There's nothing here at all
There's nothing at all here that could placate my hunger

The godly people are all gone
There's not one honest soul left alive here on this planet
We're all murders and thieves
Setting traps here for even our brothers

And both of our hands
Are equally skilled
At doing evil
Equally skilled
At bribing the judges
Equally skilled
At perverting justice
Both of our hands
Both of our hands

The day of justice comes
And is even now swiftly arriving
Don't trust anyone at all
Not your best friend or even your wife

For the son hates the father
The daughter despises even the mother
Look! Your enemies are right
Right in the room of your very household

And both of their hands are equally skilled
Equally skilled

No, don't gloat over me
For though I fall, though I fall
I will rise again

Though I sit here in darkness
The Lord, the Lord alone
He will be my light

I will be patient as the Lord
Punishes me for the wrongs
I've done against him

After that he'll take my case
Bringing me to light and to justice
For all I have suffered

And both of his hand are equally skilled
At ruining evil
Equally skilled
At judging the judges
Equally skilled
Administering justice
Both of his hands
Both of his hands are equally skilled
At showing them mercy
Equally skilled
At loving the lovers
Equally skilled
Administering justice
Both of his hands
Both of his hands

I love this song because it gets right at the core of something I feel like I have struggled with for a long time.

Tonight I was challenged with these thoughts:

What if my capacity to love matched my capacity to hate? I feel like I sometimes truly HATE things, but what do I truly love? Or even further, much of the time I will act on the hatred by gossiping, lying, scowling, etc. But even when I claim to truly love something...I don't show it.

What if my tendencies to talk were suppressed by the simple action of listening? In a time I struggle all too much with my mouth and everything that comes out of it (gossip, lies, mean things, sarcasm) why don't I ever just listen? I mean sure, I "listen" but most of the time I am thinking about what I am going to say next, what advice I can give them before I change the subject to me. How selfish.

What if I gave up on pursuing worldly relationships and justification and just let God who has always pursued me and has always been my source of justification in? I feel like right now more than ever I am learning that worldly relationships will falter and fail, and because I put so much effort and significance into these unstable things, I in turn feel like I have failed as a person. Like in previous posts, I still wonder why I can't just let God in and accept that he knows my heart and still loves me. When people turn me down for my faults, or are only concerned with my failures...he is there to pick me up and love on me despite everything. I get that in my head, probably more now than ever. But its the translation of that thought via my heart that is not working out.

I don't know why this song reminds me of those things, but for some reason, it encourages me because it talks about how we are "Equally Skilled" in loving, administering justice, and running evil. Its nice to know I HAVE that capacity and that skill...now all I gotta do is find it, wrestle with it, and live with it.

Interesting night.

I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same...

Annoucement.

apathy&the cross

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon Him, and by His wounds we are healed. -Isa 53:5

You have my attention

Leer-ics.

Jesus IOU.

How sweet it is to be loved by YOU!

S.N.L.

[CRAZY] lOVE.

Thoughts/questions on Worship...

It's time...

Ever wonder

Great Pandora day.

Oh say can you see...

The worst kind

Word Vomit.

In the midst.

Realize.

San Diego.

Seriously.

Hosea.

Seek Week 2009.

Christmas 2009.

He's just not that into you.

Soundtrack for the week.

Weird/Normal.

All of a sudden I miss everyone.

End.

Wisdom.

Thankful.

I am clearly a MAC.

This week in Music...EPIC

1 down, 11 to go.

Right Now.

You Hold Me Now

Sara says it best.

I don't listen.

Bloggers Block.

They stole my idea!

Divas.

I am not dead.

Summer Soundtrack. Jam Edition.

No one laughs at God..

Oh, youth.

Summer Mission #1: Complete.

Summer Update #1.

Iris.

Beautiful.

Attempt.

Spontaneous.

The Phone Game.

The 5.

To the girls creatin choas in the Holy Land...

Summer Soundtrack.

The worst emotion.

Summertime.

The art of the elite.

One day...

Thankful.

My Burden of a Lesser God.

Joy.

Situation #1

Flow is flow...

+and+

Psalm 142

Psalm 142

A maskil of David. When he was in the cave. A prayer. a]">

And on the days that it rains...

Let's see how this goes.

But, they have puppies!

Something I learned today.

I thought the omlette line was bad...

You know you live in Orange County

I risk sounding cliche.

My Future Profession.

Tonight.

Before I get Carpal Tunel?

This is why I am a...

: )

A maskil of David. When he was in the cave. A prayer. ^a]">