1. In 5th grade, there was this girl named Lauren Hill. I was envious of her a) because she was blonde and all the boys liked her b) because she also was a singer (at the time a better one then me...but now she is all hopped up on drugs and probably. prego...so I'm not worried) ANYWAY. So her middle name was Renee. My middle name is not Renee, but because I wanted to be like her, I told everyone in my class that my middle name was Renee so it could be like this cute little "Awwww both of you guys are Lauren Renee's... How cute" and I would not get lost in her shadow.
This turned out badly for me, mainly because eventually everyone found out my middle name was NOT Renee and then they laughed, shunned and mocked me. I blame my extreme unpopularity in 6th grade on this event. Stupid Lauren Hill. I disliked her strongly...
2. This one time, when I was wearing my fake "Keep the Creepers away while babysitting" engagement ring...the barista at Starbucks asked me if I was getting married, and OF COURSE I had to say yes...because otherwise I would look like a tool for lying...I made up this whole story about my "fiancee" (Edward...haha Twilight anyone?) and I said our wedding was at the top of Half Dome. Which is absolutely untrue and impossible. But she as dumb, she believed me.
Also, she asked me where I got my ring. I told her Cartier. Really?! I don't even know what that is but it sounded rich. I wonder how she felt when I walked out to my pos Camry and drove away...maybe she didn't believe me after that. I guess I will never know.
3. (and lastly because this is embarrassing)
I used to steal Barbie clothes from all my friends. Like I would go over to their houses and we would play Barbie's (I always was the Black one...I hated that) and then when they would leave or something, I would steal something and put it in my pocket. Although, since that was risky, as I got older...I developed a new plan and when we were cleaning up all of our stuff I would "accidently" put the item in my Barbie tub (yes, I had a HUGE plastic tub of Barbie stuff) so that I could use the excuse, "I accidently put it in there" if I was caught. It was a brilliant plan. Also, my Barbie clothing and accessory collection grew rapidly.
**I apologize now to Shannon Tessier and Emily Bizzell (most common recipient's of this cruel ploy) for this if they ever read this. I was a stupid Klepto as a kid....and I regret it. : )
Enough for now.
Holy Crap am I screwed up.
LF
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