Friend, It's getting late...we should be going.

Yesterday in the Jr. High group that I am a leader in we were talking about "Friends and Real Relationships." We learned about David and Jonathan which is a story that I have heard a billion times, but for some reason...it really resonated with me during this time. Ha, maybe it was because was meant for Jr. Highers so it was easy to understand for me...simple things always tend to capture my heart now that I think of it...

Anyways (ha Mike)

So we were talking about how Jonathan literally bowed before David, he gave him his earthly treasures and basically gave up his throne rights because he loved David so much. They truly loved each other and valued each other's well-being over their own. Jonathan knew that David had nothing to offer him, and David knew that Jonathan was giving up everything, but they still just loved each other unconditionally.

THEN I got to thinking...A) How many people would I give up everything for? Not that I am saying that to be a good friend you have to give people stuff...but I mean how many people would I be willing to sacrifice so much for? Or on the other hand, how many people would I just love unconditionally knowing they have nothing to offer me? and B) How many people would just love me for men, knowing I basically have nothing to offer? Or how many people would sacrifice that much for me? 

It's a hard place to be, because I think those two questions redefine a lot of what I have grown up thinking a real friendship was. I have always tended to base my relationships on really shallow things, and then I wonder why I am often left lonely and upset with friend situations. I really was struck by the realization that maybe the reason that I feel these things is because I am not truly in a unconditional and genuine friendship with the people I thought I was. Which is heartbreaking, but also something that I am glad I realized now. Come to think of it...I actually realized it while I was in Africa doing some internal healing processing, but I was trying to put that thought on the back-burner because who wants to actually recognize that they are lonely? 

Now, I don't want all my friends to think that I don't appreciate them or something...like I have awesome friends and I love them and would not trade the world for them...but I think that I need to start going deeper with people that I see in my life for a long time. I think my problem is that I try to become close with too many people, and I don't really invest in relationships because I am spreading myself so thin. This has always been the issue with my friendships...and it is finally something I have to deal with. I know there are some people in my life that I try and try to create this relationship with, but deep-down...I know it is a lost cause. It breaks my heart to know that I have to give those friendships up, but I would rather work on the relationships that are uplifting and real in my life.

I have been praying about the people that I am to start really going deeper with and some names glaringly come to mind...so I am comforted that God is really going to be with me in this process...but I still need a lot of prayer that God would guide me in this time and he would begin to open my eyes to the people that I truly value, and the people that truly value me...

A lot going on here, I know. But this has been super cleansing.

LF