I got a basket full of lemons and they all taste the same
a window and a pigeon with a broken wing;
You can spend your whole life working for something
just to have it taken away...
But love will come set me free,
love will come set me free
I do believe!
Love will come set me free,
I know it will.

March 21, 2010

Jesus IOU.

Tonight was inspiring and convicting, which I think is the best kind of night.

Chris Ward, who is a pastor at Yorba Linda Friends was a guest speaker, and he taught about the sense of entitlement that we have in this society...especially when it comes to our relationship with God.

It's true, for the majority of my life...I have viewed God with this kind of "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" type of mentality...but there is something SO wrong with that.

Actually, there are multiple things so wrong with that. Here are some thoughts about the subject:

1) Who do I think I am that I could ever bargain with God? If I think about it...nothing that I could do is something that ONLY I can do. Sure, he gave me talents and passions to use for his glory...but in what delusion do I live to think that by doing these things...I am actually doing God a favor of some sort?

2) Also, I think back to the multiple times that I have done things purely to get something out of it. The anticipation and expectations are always greater than the outcome, and that should really teach me a lesson to not do things with a hidden (or sometimes not so hidden motive)

3) I loved when Chris talked about how we expect that when we do something for God, he should do something for us. And so quickly, when we find out that is not the case, we blame Him for not carrying out His end of the bargain. But that is where we are SO blatantly wrong.

It become clear that...

There is no reward for anything we do for the Kingdom. Now when I say no reward, I probably should clarify that I don't really mean NO reward. It's just not the instant gratification, IOU form Jesus reward that we want. It is something far greater than IS Jesus. Following Him should be reason for Joy even if that is the only thing that ever comes from it.

This is hard for me to swallow. I want to know that because I serve for literally an entire day during the week with no pay at the church that I will get the job that I want. I want to be 100% assured that if I go into the ministry and follow the path I feel God calling me into...I will meet my husband, make lots of money and have a healthy family like I want.

But there is no guarantee. And there shouldn't have to be. Our reward waits for us in Heaven...and that should be enough.

As we responded as a community of worshipers after this message...the words were so hard for me to sing and really mean.

"It's all about you...All that I adore is in You....Have your way in me..."

Not statements that I can truly say I live out. But I think that God meets us where we are at in regards to this sense of entitlement. He knows the deepest desires of our hearts, and also can dramatically influence those desires without us even knowing. He longs to be so close and real to that we will really understand that he is the best reward we could ever receive.

So this is my prayer regarding this realization...
Lord, help me to know you and want you with or without blessings upon my life. Challenge me to evaluate my motives behind everything I do, and to leave what is not strictly or the purpose of glorifying YOU behind. Amen!